Inside my head...it's a little scary in here...

Captain Tightpants + Captain Hammer = Captain Hammerpants!!!

2009-08-27T04:32:26Z

Gotta love Xkcd...

The Race: Part One

Part Two:

Part Three:

Part Four:

Part Five:

The Cruelest Lie 6 / ?

2009-06-16T05:43:55Z

Title: The Cruelest Lie 6 / ?
Pairing: Mal/Jayne
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 2,200-ish
A/N: Sorry for the considerable delay...my muse has fled far, far away...

“Albatross! You let us outta here right now, young missy!”

Mal reached the now locked door just as the lock engaged and he saw River’s slight form unplug the electric kettle before dashing out of the galley, leaving him stuck alone in the storeroom with Jayne. Sighing heavily, he turned away from the window only to see the accusatory glare from his ex-mercenary.

Holding his hands up in a conciliatory gesture, Mal defended, “this weren’t my idea. Ain’t had nothin’ to do with this.”

Throwing a part viciously back onto the shelf, his mouth twisting into a derisive sneer, Jayne made clear that he didn’t believe him.

“Uh huh,” he grunted, crossing his arms over his chest. “You just been waitin’ for somethin’ like this, Mal. Don’t give me that gou pi. Since we docked up, you been tryin’ ta spend all kinds o’ time ‘round me in spite o’ them rules Monty set. I ain’t the brightest tool in the shed, but even I ain’t that much of a dumbass.”

Striving not to look at how the muscles of Jayne’s arms bulged attractively, Mal rolled his eyes and sighed; he remembered how immovable Jayne was when in a snit like this and decided to just give up, suddenly tired of the argument. “Anything I say gonna make you believe me that I ain’t behind this?”

Jayne shrugged indifferently as he went back to hunting for the fuel optimizer, figuring to use the time productively. “Prob’ly not.”

“Ain’t like you got a real good track record ‘bout things bein’ trustworthy when they’s comin’ outta your mouth,” he finished under his breath.

Mal heard his words, but chose to stay silent and keep an eye on the galley outside so he could flag down one of the crew should they happen by. As it was, Jayne’s mood always took a turn for the darker when he was caged somewhere, let alone when he was stuck with the person he believed responsible for it in the first place.

---

After about ten minutes, Mal couldn’t stand the silence anymore.

“So. How’d ya come about workin’ for Monty?”

Jayne growled, irritated that when he’d just about managed to forget that he was stuck with Mal, the man had had to go and start yappin’ at him.

“Damn it, Mal, ya just can’t keep that ruttin’ mouth o’ yours shut, can ya? Always gotta be goin’ on ‘bout somethin’ or other an’ askin’ questions that ain’t none o’ your ruttin’ business.”

“Well, we’re stuck here, Jayne. What else ya wanna do? I’m bored an’ I‘m hungry an’ I ain’t had my coffee yet; so just sittin’ here twiddlin’ my thumbs ain’t gonna cut it. So if you ain’t gonna talk, then I’m gonna have to. All this silence makes me a might twitchy,” he added ruefully.

Tossing a random bit of metal back on one of the shelves, Jayne shot back, “Well your prattlin’ on over there ain’t doin’ nothin’ fer me ‘cept make my trigger finger itch!”

Noticing a shadow at the window, Mal got his hopes up until he realized what that shadow was doing.

“Well we gotta come to a middle here, ‘cause our chances o’ someone findin’ us sooner rather than later just got a whole lot slimmer, seein’ as how Albatross went an’ put a sign up on the door coverin’ the window so people won’t see us in here.”

Jayne frowned looked at the door and sure enough, there was a pink sheet of paper covering the small window. He could tell there was writing on both sides from the light shining through.

The side facing them read:

Use this time wisely: TALK.

Also, Kaylee no longer requires parts for fuel optimization.

They have been provided.

He squinted hard, trying to read through the paper and ink to decipher the writing on the other side; his voice slowly sounding out the words as he pieced together the message.

“Serenity’s stove is non-functional. Lunch and dinner to be served on Sovereign.”

With a grimace, he sighed and rubbed a hand over the side of his face, “Well that’s jus’ peachy. Moony’s gone an’ thought of everythin’ then.”

After a beat, Jayne grudgingly bit out, “Guess it ain’t really your fault we’s in here; you’d ‘a’ made gorram sure you’d gotten your breakfast first if it was really your plan.”

Unable to help the smug smirk gracing his face or the urge to rub it in, Mal taunted, “Told ya.”

“An’ I said so! What more ya want?!”

“You to talk to me, gorramit! We ain’t got nothin’ to do in here ‘til Albatross comes and lets us out so we might as well do as she says an’ talk!”

Jayne’s jaw jutted out in mulish petulance and he crossed his arms over his chest, “Well I don’t wanna an’ I ain’t gonna,” he finished with an emphatic nod before turning back to the shelves and attempting to categorize some of the random pieces.

Mal sighed heavily and rolled his eyes, growling a bit as he stalked over to the other side of the pantry and sank down onto the floor, elbows resting on knees as he leaned back against the bulkhead.

Nothin’ ta do but wait…, he thought to himself, giving up on getting Jayne to talk to him.

---

By the time an hour had passed, the tension in the pantry was so thick, even Jayne was feeling desperate to dispel some of it. He’d already had to resort to chucking random small parts at Mal every time the Captain started drumming his fingers or whistling or anything else that got on his nerves (which was pretty much anything that went beyond breathing).

Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath to rein in his temper. Maybe he could talk, he decided when he saw that he was out of small enough items to throw at his former Captain.

Just then, Mal started to quietly drum his fingers on the floor again.

Maybe he could talk a little.

---

The first time Mal started tapping his fingers on the floor, he’d had his eyes closed and so hadn’t seen the large bolt that had come flying at his head.

“What the hell, Jayne?”

He’d demanded only to get a satisfied grunt in return.

He was more cautious after that and kept an eye out for things flying his way. As time went on, he managed to collect a number of small objects that had been chucked his way.

Through all this, however, Jayne hadn’t said a word and so he was a bit surprised when he heard Jayne mutter, “Was stayin’ with my Ma when his ship came by an’ we crossed paths an’ he offered me a job.”

Mal looked at him dumbly, needing a moment to realize that Jayne was answering his question from earlier. “So you went home then? After you left here,” he prompted, hoping to keep the conversation going.

Jayne nodded, “Hadn’t really been plannin’ on headin’ back out no more, but Monty’s a good guy an’ I figured might as well.”

Genuinely interested now, Mal kept on this line. “If you was home, how’d you two happen upon each other? Ain’t never been there myself, but from maps an’ whatnot, Calderon’s a bit off the beaten path as I recall.”

For some reason that he couldn’t place, Jayne found that he didn’t want to tell Mal that he’d been helping the Sheriff so he opted to hedge around the subject. “Was in town is all an’ Monty’s ship came in ta do some business, legal like, an’ he offered me a job.”

Mal digested the information, sensing there was more to be told, but decided not tp push just yet. Instead, he half-jokingly asked, “So…ya like workin’ for Monty?”

As Jayne’s expression turned thoughtful as if he was considering his answer, Mal sent him a sidelong look, “he a better Captain than me?”

Jayne frowned as he looked at him; trying to figure out what he was up to, “Well, yeah, mostly. He ain’t near as moon-brained as you, goin’ off half-cocked an’ not listenin’ like usual. He don’t say no ta good payin’ jobs just ‘cause he takes exception to the guy offerin’ it, an’ he don’t get us shot at gorram near every time we hit dirt neither.”

He shrugged and continued on, oblivious to Mal’s hurt ego, “But then I ain’t got to shoot nobody for goin’ on five months now so that ain’t so much of a good thing neither.”

Despite the painful critique of his skills as a Captain, Mal couldn’t help but smile a bit at the pout forming on Jayne’s lips at the thought of not shooting anyone for so long. “Bet your girls ‘re gettin’ mighty restless then, huh?”

Jayne busied himself with cleaning some gunk out of a couple parts and shrugged, a rueful half-grin forming, “Vera’s a bit prickly nowadays, that’s fer sure.”

---

The two talked back and forth for a bit until Jayne asked out of the blue, “So how come you been avoidin’ me last few days?”

Mal’s face took on a far too innocent look, telling Jayne that Mal was in fact up to something. “Why? You miss me?”

Jayne turned toward him, his jaw clenching as he strove not to lose his temper in the small space. There was no telling when River would let them out and he didn’t want to be stuck there with a dead Mal bleeding all over the place. It‘d just be right creepifyin’.

“Don’t you play with me, Mal,” he warned, the growl telling how short his fuse was on the subject. “I already had enough o’ your plans; don’t need to be part of any more. You want somethin’ from me, you be straight an’ up front ‘bout it.”

Mal shot to his feet, arms gesturing helplessly as he strove to put what he felt into words that came out in a forceful rush. This might be his one chance to say what he wanted to say to Jayne and he needed to get it right.

“I want you to let me say ‘I’m sorry’. I want you ta believe me when I say that if I could go back an’ change things, I would.”

Losing a good deal of his steam, Mal cautiously stepped closer to Jayne, his voice quieting, “I want you to trust me again and I want you back, any way you’ll have me.”

His lips twisted into a sad smile, eyes still locked onto Jayne’s, “that’s what I want, Jayne. That’s it. All o’ it. You wanna know what this plan was about? It was me givin’ you the space you wanted, obeyin’ Monty’s rules, an’ me hopin’ you’d notice an’ at least get ya ta thinkin’ on me a bit, see that I’m tryin’.”

As much as he tried, Jayne couldn’t break his eyes away from Mal’s throughout the Captain’s speech, a lump forming in his throat that made it difficult to swallow. They continued to stare at each other for long moments after, Jayne striving to see the truth in Mal and Mal waiting for any kind of reaction from Jayne.

Unable to let himself be vulnerable around Mal again, Jayne took care to harden himself before speaking. “Yeah, well what you want an’ what’s what ain’t always gonna be the same thing, dong ma? Ya wanna fix somethin’, fix your crew. You’re gonna be a right lucky man ‘f any of ‘em stay on once we hit dirtside on Beaumonde. They’s all jus’ waitin’ ta flee from ya soon’s they can.”

---

It was another four hours – three since anything other than a grunt had been vocalized in the room – before River let them out. She directed a fierce scowl Jayne’s way as she opened the door.

“Should not have said anything,” she whispered to him fiercely, her finger jabbing into his chest. “Not yours to tell.”

Not in the mood for being lectured when he already felt bad for running his mouth when he should have just kept it shut, Jayne shouldered past her just as Kaylee and Simon entered the galley.

She waved cheerily, scampering up to him. “Hey Jayne! We missed ya at lunch. Was gonna show you how ta put together that optimizer I sent ya for.”

Taking in his dark expression and aggressive stance, Simon inquired carefully, “I hope everything is alright, Jayne. It’s not like you to miss a meal.”

Just then, Mal came strolling out of the locker, his face just as annoyed as Jayne’s. “Yeah well, Doc, ain’t like either of us rightly had a choice in the matter thanks to that sister o’ yours. Took it upon herself to lock us in there this mornin’ in hopes that Jayne an’ I ‘d start conversatin’ an’ such. Best you keep her from doin’ it again. Dong ma?”

Simon’s mouth dropped open a bit as Mal stormed past, feeling the need to sarcastically point out, “Yes, I’ll just get right on that. We all know River always does as she’s told.”

Previous | Next

I'm sorry, but it's really not my fault that you're stupid...

2009-04-21T22:11:47Z

Being someone who works in the payroll field, I see this happen a lot more than it should if people actually took the time to READ their Form w-4 when they fill it out.

And yet, when the small percentage who write in "EXEMPT" that really are not exempt -- which incidentally is a larger percentage of the population than those who actually are "EXEMPT" -- go and fill out their taxes the following year and discover that (as I am legally required to do if "EXEMPT" is written on that line) all federal taxes have NOT been taken out of their checks, it's apparently MY FAULT that they were too stupid to read it in the first place.

It's not a complicated form, people. Also, I am quite helpful if you have a question while filling it out -- I'm NICE even!!!

So, then, when they find out that they owe several hundred or thousand(s of) dollars to the IRS, they call me up, cussing me out, and generally pissing me off until I remind them (with their form in front of me for reference) that THEY are the ones who wrote "EXEMPT" on THEIR form and that the Federal government prohibits me from correcting your dumbass mistakes or interpreting what you MEANT to do versus what you DID do.

So, in closing of this rant, I bid to all the stupid people out there who have called me in the last week or two bitching me out because of your stupidity:

HAVE FUN PAYING OFF THE IRS BITCHES AND DON'T COME CRYIN' TO ME BECAUSE I DON'T GIVE A FLYING RAT'S ASS!

Have I mentioned that I really hate tax season?

/end rant

Is "Definitely" REALLY that hard to spell?

2009-04-02T16:12:00Z

Seriously?

I mean, I get that some people use spell check and rely on that to fix all their errors, but COME ON!!!

Defiantly does not mean the same thing as definitely!!!

If you have an "a" in there, IT NEEDS FIXING!!!

Sorry all, there have just been too many fics of late that I've read that possess such an error and it's pissing me off, if you can't tell. :D

A meme my Jei Jei tagged me on...stinky hoohoo...

2009-03-31T15:39:31Z

Rules:

1. People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blog and replace any question that they dislike with a new, original question.

2. Tag eight people. Don't refuse to do that. Don't tag who tagged you.

1. sunshineali
2. toxic_corn
3. tinadoll
4. xenaclone
5.  tiltingreality
6. samson28
7. psycholizard
8. bugchicklv

1. Make a list of 5 things you can see without getting up.
- Model Boats (I'm at the front desk at work)
- My purse
- My smoothie
- Miss Lindabean (a co-worker)
- My inbox with STUFF in it....seriously, it's rude that they expect you to work at work. SO not nice when you want naptime...

2. How do you style your hair?
- Because of my new smexy hair, I blow it mostly dry and then put in a little pomade and use a flat iron...is awesome.

3. What are you wearing now?
-Black sweater, jeans, sneakers, socks, and the appropriate undies

4. What do you want to be when you grow up?
-superprincessfirefighterastronautnuclearbiologistzookeeperhorsetrainer (say that really fast in a kid voice and it totally makes sense)

5. The best thing to happen of you as late?
-My new smexy hair. It's so awesome.

6. What is one word you would use to describe yourself?
-Bitchy

7. What's your current fandom/obsession/addiction?
-NCIS

8. What's the last thing you ate today?
-Some of my smoothie

9. What calms you?
-Being away from people...they bother me on occasion

10. What websites do you visit when you go online?
-Hotmail, LJ, Facebook,  woot.com, ff.net, etc.

11. What's the last thing you bought?
-Digital camera for the future Mr. and Mrs. Baddie's wedding.

12. What are you listening to now?
-The fax machine. Woo.

13. What do you think about before you go to bed?
-Sleep.

14. What was the last CD(s) you "bought"?
-Nickelback's Dark Horse...good stuff.

15. What is your favorite weather and why?
-Warm rain and that smell when you know it's coming...all mossy and fragrant. Yeah.

16. If you could play any musical instrument, which one would you play?
-Harmonica

17. Anything exciting as of late?
-Nope. Can't wait for Neisy's and Baddie's wedding though.

18. What's something you'd like to say to someone right now?
-Go away so I can nap!

19. What’s the one thing you wish people would stop asking you?
-Can I talk to Cyndy?  (She needs to get her own line damnit!)

How to decide when to marry (as written by kids)

2009-03-16T16:23:41Z

This was too cute and funny not to share...

You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
-- Alan, age 10

No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with...
-- Kristen, age 10

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?
Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
-- Camille, age 10

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids.
-- Derrick, age 8

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON?
Both don't want any more kids.
-- Lori, age 8

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE?
Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough...
-- Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure?)

On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date..
-- Martin, age 10 (isn't he ready for the world of dating?)

WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR?
I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns.
-- Craig, age 9

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE?
When they're rich.
-- Pam, age 7

The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that.
-- Curt, age 7

The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them.... It's the right thing to do.
-- Howard, age 8

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED?
It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them.
-- Anita, age 9 (bless you child)

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED?
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there?
-- Kelvin, age 8 (I like this kid)

And the #1 Favorite is ...

HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK?
Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck..
-- Ricky, age 10 (He'll be married forever)

FREE PORN!!!

2009-02-12T20:43:16Z

So, four of my female co-workers and I were minding our own business at lunch as we ambled down the sidewalk a couple blocks to our local Subway sandwich shop when lo and behold we were graced with...

You guessed it!

PORN!!!

And it was free!

Apparently (I wasn't paying attention, but one of the other girls saw it) as they were driving by, someone from a car tossed a couple of what we thought were CD's out the window and into the bushes a little in front of us. Intent on our food, we continued on.

On our return trip, however, our curiosity was piqued and C knelt down and picked them up.

It was like manna from Heaven as we were graced with two classic tales (again for FREE):

Screamers and Moaners! -- 4 solid hours of hard core sex and girls loving it!

and this timeless classic Cum in Your Mom 8!

o_o x_x O_O!!!!!!!!!!!!!

EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!

I don't know what disturbs me more, the title of the second one, or the fact that they made SEVEN more before that one...

Why no, I'm not writing Inara/Jayne strap-on porn...

2009-02-02T06:58:33Z

Flisters, got a couple questions for y'all.

1. Would anyone read this? Or does it ook too many of you out?

It was actually a prompt for oxoniensis 's pr0nathon, but is just being started and therefore not eligible to be included.

2. Do people get what "pegging" is? Or do I need to put "Strap-on sex" in the warnings?

Thanks!

Those of you who love spray can/squirt cheese, please turn away now...

2009-01-26T10:13:01Z

I bequeath unto you all the most romantic love scene in the history of romance novels...

Oh, I'm sorry, I couldn't quite type that with a straight face.

Anyhoo, I had to share. It's pages 294-296 of a book called Public Displays of Affection by Susan Donovan.

I am sorry to say that this is not her first novel so we can't blame it on that.

It wasn't Joe's intent to give Charlotte every one of her sexual fantasies that evening, but he found it difficult to deny her anything. Especially now that he feared it was the last night he'd ever have her to himself.

So he'd tied her up, just the way she'd always wanted, and the two of them couldn't stop giggling. He'd roped honeysuckle vines around her wrists and throat and waist and ankles, but they were bonds that shackled her to nothing but his love for her.

"Honeysuckle Mama," he muttered, leaving we kisses all over the front of her body, on her collarbone, the swell of her breasts, down the slope of her soft belly. "That nickname has so many of my favorite words in it."

"It does?"

He loved how husky Charlotte's whisper had become after hours of lovemaking on the family room couch, in the swimming pool, and now on the patio furniture cushions spread on the pool deck. He loved how she instinctively arched into the press of his lips.

"Oh, yeah." He let his tongue slide along the ridge of her left hipbone, down into the valley between her legs, and he used his hands to gently spread her open. She was so swollen and well used that he worried she might be too sensitive even for the gentle attention of his mouth. There was only one way to find out.

"The first word I like is honey..." he said, just before he flattened his tongue into the hot folds of her body and lapped her up. He loved how deep her moan was.

"And then there's the word suckle..." He brought his lips to her clitoris and nursed on her, noting what she loved and what was too intense and what made her nuts, and smiled when she shook and went rigid yet again. Joe held her, smiling to himself, wondering just how many times this woman could come in one night.

After a few moments he asked, "Think you could hop up for a second, soccer mom?"

"Do I have to?"

He took her by the hands and eased her to a sitting position, once more admiring how good her little female body looked wrapped up in their biding of choice. She appeared a bit dazed.

"I want to watch you walk."

"Walk? Now? I don't know if I can."

He laughed. "Just over to the table and back. Can you do that for me?"

He loved the teasing smirk she offered him, her hair falling across her face as she stood to do his bidding. Charlotte's playful streak was proving to be a hell of a lot of fun.

He stretched out along the edge of the pool and made a half-circular motion with his finger. "Turn around and walk."

She did so but glanced over her shoulder at him. "And what are you going to do while I'm walking?"

Joe smiled. "Something I should have done thirteen years ago, baby -- I'm gonna memorize your license plates."

Her laugh was the background music to her swaying walk, and as she moved, he watched. Her ass was a thing of majesty, small and round and sporting two big hand prints visible in the dim light. She stopped when she reached the table and looked over her shoulder again.

"Well?"

"Hmm. Bend down and look under the tablecloth. Bring me what you find."

She did as she was told, which in itself was sexy as hell, and revealed that perfect peach between her thighs.

She turned and walked back toward him, holding the can of spray cheese. She looked down on him and crooked one eyebrow. "Let me guess what's on the menu. A number five with cheese?"

Joe nearly choked laughing.

"Cock con queso?"

He laughed so hard he had to lie down and hold his sides.

Charlotte knelt next to him. The sensation of aerosol cheese clinging to his shaft was close to otherworldly. She topped him off with a festive swirl, and he groaned with pleasure. He decided to hoist himself up on his elbows to watch.

Joe nearly lost it when she straddled his shins and bent toward him. She seemed to enjoy his predicament, licking at him through a devilish smile, her eyes sparkling with the pool lights, her sweet breasts dangling so that her nipples just brushed the surface of his thighs.

He had no idea how much of this he could take -- he'd never seen anything so hot in his life.

Then she placed her lips around him and her moan vibrated all the way down into his balls and that was it -- one mouthful of squirt cheese was served.

All I could think of after reading this was, "EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Seriously, this was the entire section, start to finish, and the ONLY sex scene of the book which makes it that much worse.

Things this horrific MUST be shared. It lessens the trauma.

:D

Y'alls thoughts?

Whatever

2009-01-21T02:20:24Z

Title: Whatever
Author: Me
Pairing: Jayne/River
Rating: PG
Word Count: 1,200
Disclaimer: Not mine, just my sandbox

A serenity_santa gift for houselover87

It was just the two of them now; everyone else was still being treated in the Alliance medical bay set up on the ship while Serenity was being transported to Persephone for repairs, courtesy of the Operative.

Doctors had treated Simon’s bullet wound and Kaylee’s mobility was steadily increasing as the toxin was slowly flushed from her system. Inara tended Mal who needed to lie still as she was the only one who could convince him to do so – and only if she was next to him.

They fixed Zoe’s back and told her of the new life – barely a week old – nesting in her belly; the last gift her husband could give her. Wash was in the morgue, waiting to be buried along with the rest of the settlers on Haven just as soon as they were able.

Both River and Jayne had been treated as outpatients; her cuts and scrapes were cleaned and dressed, they stitched up Jayne’s side, sewn up his shoulder, and gave him a sling to wear.

After they’d finished, the Operative had shown them to their separate quarters where showers and fresh changes of clothing awaited.

A curious thing happened, however, the first time River tried leaving her room, intent on visiting her family in the medical bay.

Jayne was there, sitting in a chair asleep, just on the outside of her door. Without looking, she couldn’t tell if he was guarding her or blocking her potential escape.

Her hand a light touch on his shoulder, “Jayne,” she called softly.

Startled, his eyes shot open and he sat upright in his chair. When he noticed that it was only her, he let out a breath he hadn’t realized he’d been holding and ran his free hand through his hair. “’S just you. Where ya headed?”

She frowned, confused at his response, “she…just wanted to go visit Simon. Why do you block her path?”

A little self-conscious, Jayne muttered, “wasn’t tryin’ ta keep ya from goin’ places. Just don’t want ya goin’ no wheres by yourself.”

Looking into his mind, she understood. We are too few, can’t lose another.

“No Blue Hands here. The Operative has promised and she detects no hint of dishonesty or manipulation. We are safe here, Jayne.”

“Yeah, till his bosses d’cide ta take matters into their own hands. ‘Sides already talked ta the Cap’n. Ya ain’t goin’ no where by yourself. Don’t trust these hundans not one lick.”

Surprisingly enough, Jayne had kept his word while onboard the Alliance vessel; she’d never gone anywhere alone outside of her quarters. After a couple days she’d even invited him in to watch a movie on the cortex; he’d been so bored sitting outside that he’d accepted.

Even after they’d landed at the shipyard in Persephone, any time she’d needed to leave and everyone was better and able-bodied; he made sure to accompany her.

She never said, but she appreciated that with him at her back, she never had to keep an eye out for danger in the crowds; she could just be a normal girl shopping. She was safe with him.

He continued his protection detail after they retook the black and coin was lined their pockets once again; he had no time for whoring and only drank a little in the black. In his head, he would remind himself that he needed to be ready in case she needed him.

He had to protect her. She was his charge and he took it seriously.

They were too few now and he wasn’t going to lose her.

He knocked on her door one night, about a year after they took off from Persephone. It was late and she’d been asleep, but she shuffled to her door anyway. Pushing her hair sleepily out of her face she looked up at him, waiting for him to speak.

He didn’t look at her; he knew he wouldn’t be able to get it out if he did. Instead, he looked down at his hands, scowling as he tried to find the words.

“I’m sorry. F’r tryin’ ta give to them Blue Hands on Ariel an’ ‘m sorry for doin’ it again after ya kicked my pi gu on Beaumonde. An’ for bein’ mean to ya all those times ya couldn’t help it ‘cause you were crazy an’ all.”

River just stood there, so shocked by his apology that she couldn’t speak. She’d long known that he regretted the way he used to treat her – and some of it had been well deserved even if she hadn’t been in her right mind – but for him to actually come out and say it meant more than she could tell him.

That she mattered enough to him that he’d come to tell her in words; words made it real, made it a truth. Even if he wanted to, he couldn’t take it back now.

Taking her silence for rejection, Jayne nodded once, still not looking at her and mumbled, “so, yeah. I’ll just let ya go back ta bed. Night.”

She was still standing there when he rounded the corner and headed up the stairs toward his bunk.

“Thank you, Jayne,” she whispered as she finally went back inside her room, unable to sleep the rest of the night, her thoughts swirling around him.

When he got the letter that both his mother and Mattie had died – she’d poisoned them both to allow for a faster, more peaceful death than the alternative – when Reavers visited his planet, Jayne had gone and locked himself in his bunk despite Kaylee’s best efforts to make him come out.

River sat in her bunk with tears rolling down her face as she listened to his memories, his grief projecting throughout the ship. Finally, she couldn’t resist the urge to help him any longer.

Gleaning his hatch code from his mind, she slipped down into his bunk tiptoeing to where he sat on the floor, leaning against the bulkhead, his pictures of home spread all around him.

Kneeling next to him, she wrapped her arms around his shoulders and tilted him unresisting into her embrace, stroking his hair gently.

Her voice quiet a whisper, “You are not alone, Jayne Cobb. We are your family; you have all of us.”

You have me as I have you, she added silently.

As if hearing her unspoken words, she felt his arms wrap around her middle, pulling her closer as he cried.

After that day, it became commonplace to find them together, neither speaking, and each doing their own thing; but together, taking comfort in the simple presence of the other.

The crew didn’t understand the new dynamic and always tried to shove it into a conventional category, but it didn’t fit. What the two of them felt was more than friends, but less than lovers, not romantic but not platonic either; it stymied those who did not feel it.

River knew that if Jayne ever left Serenity, she would go with him; she did not wish to be without him and knew that he wanted the same.

Whatever they were and whatever they would be, they would be together and that was just fine with them.

I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus

2009-01-05T08:11:29Z

Title: I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus
Author: Me
Pairing: John/Ellie
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1,500
For: xenaclone as part of the Jellie Secret Santa Exchange
Prompts: John plays Santa. John gets naked. John gets thoroughly laid.

Summary: It's the night of Christmas Eve and all through the house, a father was cursing a little dollhouse. Hee! A future family fic with still amorously enamored parents.

And Casey still has issues with wrapping paper. Poor man...

“God damn it!”

John Casey swore as he sucked his finger after slicing it for the umpteenth time on the wrapping he was carefully positioning around the dollhouse he’d just finished putting together. He’d never been able to get the hang of present wrapping. It was easier and more convenient to have someone else do it, he’d decided long ago.

There were set ups that had all proceeds going to various charities, he grumbled to himself as he put on the last of the tape. Why not help them out and make life easier on me? But will she let me? No…

Checking his watch, he saw that it was coming up on 2 a.m. which meant two things: one, that he’d been working on the kids’ two large presents for nearly five hours now. Just gotta finish the wrapping, John, and you can call it good, he told himself as he stretched his shoulders before starting again.

And two, she was no doubt asleep by now and he wasn’t getting his present any time tonight.

The medieval castle – complete with towers, a dungeon, and a working drawbridge – was all ready to be placed under the tree upstairs. Ellie had gotten the other presents all ready to go days ago with the exception of these two, which were his responsibility to assemble and place under the tree to avoid tampering by the kids ahead of time.

He was startled out of his concentration as he heard a low chuckle come from the steps above. Ellie stood in shadow, leaning against the doorway watching him struggle.

He frowned, “what?”

Her smile brightened as she slowly made her way down the stairs, attractively rumpled from sleep and wrapped tightly in her ankle-length red chenille robe. No one looked as good as his wife did in the morning – or the middle of the night in this case – hell, anytime really.

He growled in frustration as he ripped the paper on one of the dollhouse’s many corners.

“Why can’t I assemble everything and you wrap this stuff? I’ve spent more time trying to wrap this than I spent putting it together,” his voice showed signs of serious irritation and she noticed that his lower lip was threatening to pop out into a full on pout.

Taking pity on her poor, frustrated husband, Ellie instructed, “Oh, you big, big baby,” she laughed as he glared at her when she squeezed the fake fluffy belly he wore under the red suit.

“Why don’t you take the castle up and put it under the tree and I’ll finish this and be right up?” She suggested as she soundly kissed him on the cheek for his efforts.

Before she could change her mind, John got up from the floor, wincing as his knees cracked. As he reached down to pick up the castle, she called over her shoulder, “don’t forget to put the hat and beard back on! We don’t want a repeat of last year!”

Eyes widening, he stood back up to straighten the suit and re-don the headwear, looking to his wife for approval, before picking the castle back up and heading upstairs.

Last year, Ellie had been spotted by their children putting the last of the presents under the tree. It had taken a fair amount of quick thinking on Ellie’s part to get them to believe that Santa had accidentally left one of the presents next to the cookies and milk he’d sampled earlier and that she was just putting it where it belonged under the tree. She still wasn’t sure she’d gotten away with that one.

As John left, Ellie set about examining just what it was her husband was trying to do to this poor dollhouse.

---

The five-year-old boy, armed with his water pistol and imitation assault rifle that didn’t shoot any ammunition but was very intimidating – his mom had said so – quietly snuck his way down the stairs.He'd heard noises, possibly from unwelcome intruders – possibly even the Grinch from the movie he’d watched earlier!

Hearing a noise, he froze. Someone was coming!

Just then, Santa came out of the doorway of their basement, muttering something under his breath as he bumped against the jamb.

Unable to restrain himself, the boy gasped, wide-eyed with shock, as the massive present – it had to be for him! – followed closely by the red, rotund belly of the greatest man ever!

“Santa!”

Surprised by his son’s outburst, John startled but quickly recovered with a deep, booming voice, making sure to keep the volume down so as not to wake his daughter – hopefully – still sleeping upstairs.

“Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas! You would be Jackson Casey, am I right?”

Jackson’s face was almost comical in its surprise, “Wow! You knew my name!”

His eyes shifted to the present, “Is that for me?” Please say yes, please say yes, please say yes…

Very thankful for Ellie’s insistence on the Santa costume, John looked thoughtfully at his son and kept the Santa persona going.

“Well that depends, young man. Have you been good this year?”

Nodding vigorously, “uh-huh, yes Sir, Santa!”

John looked doubtful, “Are you sure? My naughty meter says that you should have been in bed asleep hours ago. And remember, it’s bad to lie to Santa,” he reminded his son sternly.

Visibly, Jackson hemmed and hawed for a moment before answering truthfully. “Well, I was just too excited. Your reindeer made a lotta noise on our roof an’ I had to come and see what was up. It coulda been the Grinch or somethin’ here to steal Christmas.” He showed his gun as proof of his mission.

Fighting not to show his paternal pride at his son’s seriousness, he boomed in his Santa-voice, “Well, young Jackson, since you were protecting your family, and if you go to bed right now and stay there until morning, we’ll keep you in the ‘nice’ column and I’ll leave all your presents – including this one – under the tree. If not, they’re all going back in the sleigh.”

Eyes wide at the thought of losing his presents, especially that big one in Santa’s arms, “Yes, sir! I’m gonna go right back to bed, you can count on me!” With that, he scrambled up the stairs.

At the landing he turned around and stage whispered, “don’t forget to eat the cookies my mom made for you. They’re way good,” and he hurried to his room, making sure to shut the door tight behind him.

With a half smile, John silently chuckled to himself as he walked over to the tree and put the castle down carefully, making sure no part of it was showing through the wrapping.

Standing up, he turned to head back toward the basement to see if Ellie was done with the infernal dollhouse when he stopped cold.

Standing just inside the doorway to the basement was Ellie holding the newly wrapped dollhouse.

And flashing a whole lot of leg.

He perked up. Maybe I am going to get my present early after all, he mused, very amenable to the possibility.

Whatever his present was, it was short. He liked short.

She gave him a flirty grin as he took the dollhouse from her, doing his best to peek down her front, which she coyly held shut as soon as her hands were free.

“Don’t forget to eat the cookies,” she batted her eyelashes at him, knowing he was hooked as he turned to put the last present under the tree.

“Yes, ma’am,” he turned back to wink at her.

---

Making sure to hurry through the last of the present placing and cookie eating and generally making sure everything was locked up tight for the night; John hurried up to where Ellie waited for him on the landing, her robe open, revealing his present.

A short, red little nightie that skimmed the tops of her thighs, showed off her scintillating cleavage, and had him wishing he weren’t wearing so many layers. She stood there knowing she looked good as she leaned against the wall, feigning indifference as she made a show of checking her manicure waiting for him to finish ogling her.

With a lusty growl, he strode up the stairs and wrapped an arm around her waist, picking her up until she they were face to face. He moved to lower the beard with his free hand, but her lips were on his before he could.

After a false start with the beard getting in the way, she lowered the mustache part so that his mouth was free and then took full advantage of the access as he blindly walked them back to his room, kicking the door shut behind them.

---

Moments later, a door that had been cracked open, swung wide as a little girl rushed to her brother’s room where he was steadfastly doing his best to go to sleep like he’d promised Santa.

“Jack! Jack! Wake up!” She whispered as she came running into his room, shoving him in his bed.

“What?” He whispered back, annoyed that she was ruining his attempt to sleep.

“I just saw mommy kissing Santa!”

I am off to see my honey for Christmas!

2008-12-20T16:32:33Z

Well really I am leaving tomorrow, but because of the snow and second storm that's supposed to hit Seattle on Sunday, I am staying tonight at a hotel near the airport where they will let me park my car for a week. YES! I am super fretting that my flight will be delayed/cancelled...cross your fingers for me people!

To the people whom I owe Secret Santa fics (you do NOT know who you are) I will post them when I get back on the 27th.

Until then, I will be offline and without computer. Be safe everyone and have a lovely holiday(s)!

So, my evening with gunplay, car chases, and massive amounts of paranoia...

2008-11-23T03:41:10Z

Okay, so me and my friend Pemberley went to see Eagle Eye and it was a FANTASTIC movie -- I highly recommend it. It was probably the most intense and intelligent action movie I have seen in a very long time...it's rare that I have no beefs with a movie, but this is one of them.

However, as we left the movie theater in South Seattle, there were several helicopters circling overhead right above the theater. If you have seen the movie you know why; if not, I will not spoil it for you.

We were already still in shock from the awesomeness of the movie as we left and decided to take the batteries out of our cell phones (so we could not be "activated"). We looked for the cameras in the theater as we hit the bathrooms and then exited only to find the helicopters above us...THIS WAS NOT HELPFUL IN MAKING US CALM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Feeling very shaky and freaked out and paranoid we drove the two blocks to a thai restaurant for calm down time so that I could drive us back to my house.

I swear that the helicopters followed us.

At the restaurant, we saw on the news that -- coincidentally -- a shooting occured at South Center Mall right at the very time our movie started and the police and SWAT were not there for us. This served to calm us a bit and we ate and had rude service and then went home where we are now.

*is very happy I am not sleeping alone tonight as I am still paranoid*

The Cruelest Lie 5 / ?

2008-11-18T22:04:59Z

Title: The Cruelest Lie 5 / ?
Pairing: Mal/Jayne
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 3,300-ish

The next morning, Jayne really wanted to stay in his bunk and not venture out where he might encounter Mal; his emotions were still too raw and not buried far enough under the surface to make him any good at hiding them from anyone.

Last night had thrown him for a loop. It was supposed to be River on watch last night, he thought to himself as he got dressed; he’d made sure to check with Kaylee.

Not that it mattered now, though, he decided; what was done was done and he had a job to do, he’d promised Monty. With a heavy sigh, he pushed open his bunk hatch and faced the day.

---

Mal wasn’t too thrilled about the plan River had come up with. In fact, he downright hated it; he wasn’t allowed to do anything.

Except obey all of Monty’s rules and do his level best to stay away and avoid Jayne.

He hated obeying rules, gorramit! It was why he was a Captain; he got to make the rules – and sometimes change them at will.

He sighed as he filled his mug with coffee and headed to the bridge. It least likely place he would find Jayne without staying his bunk the whole trip home. He blew on his coffee while skimming through the movie choices to watch and pass the time. Before they’d left the Burnham Quadrant the first time, Kaylee and River had downloaded all the movies and books from the Cortex as Serenity had free memory space for so as not to get bored on the way.

At the time, he’d thought 600 movies and a hundred or so books and texts – most of them being Kaylee’s favorite brand of romance novels, which Mal frowned at seeing zero of them had been read thus far – had been a bit much, but he had to admit, their foresight had been a godsend. That is, if I still talked to God, he amended.

While working at the diner, River had gleaned from customers that entertainment wasn’t something the Alliance thought much about when making “routine necessities” shipments and the only new stuff they got was from what new settlers had when they journeyed out.

A straight – and surprisingly profitable – deal with a man Mal was happy never to have to deal with again left him with enough platinum to buy and put in a new engine in Beaumonde with a tidy left over to settle his debt with Monty.

Picking a movie, he set it to play and settled into the chair.

---

Jayne was starting to think he was paranoid, he hadn’t seen Mal at all the last couple days. It was weird; the man had practically been camped outside the engine room door the last two weeks and, suddenly, he no longer was.

He didn’t really notice Mal’s absence at first, but then by lunchtime, he was looking over his shoulder at the doorway anytime he heard a sound not caused by him. By dinner, he was only marginally focused on cleaning the gunk out of the filters for the water recycler. Simon came by to escort Kaylee to dinner being hosted on Monty’s boat tonight, but he was too on edge and restless to eat so he turned and headed for the bay.

When they’d first tied the ships together, Jayne hadn’t been able to believe that Mal had kept his weights. Going back to his old routine, he loaded the bar and positioned himself on the bench, craving the repetitive mind-clearing motion of lift and lower, breathe out and in.

---

Mal was in the galley getting himself another cup of coffee when he heard the faint clanging of the weights coming from the bay. Slamming his mug down, he stormed out to the catwalk yelling, “Gorramit, Cal! I done told you how many times now? Those weights ain’t for you to use!”

At Mal’s shout, Jayne cradled the bar and sat up on the bench. The two men stared at each other and it was Mal, this time, who looked away first. “Oh, uh, di’n’t know it was you usin’ ‘em, Jayne. ‘S okay then, carry on.” He turned to go back to the galley feeling ever the fool at overreacting.

Jayne frowned, confused at the vehement objection, “Why you ain’t lettin’ the kid use the weights? They’s just sittin’ here otherwise. You never used ‘em an’ the Doc don’t neither.”

Because they’re yours, Mal thought to himself and his face turned a slow, deep red of embarrassment as Jayne waited for an answer. The merc was seemingly wanting to talk to him today, he noted absently. Huh. Mayhap there’s somethin’ to this here plan o’ Albatross’s.

But the last thing the Captain wanted was to look even more like a fool in front of the man he was trying to win back, so he turned heel and made a beeline for the bridge, forgetting his coffee that was still on the counter.

---

Four days later, Kaylee was cleared to resume work in the engine room by a very reluctant doctor.

The first thing she did upon clearance was start digging around in her girl and essentially booting Jayne out of the engine room. She’d been unable to use her hands for anything for the last couple of months; the vacation had been nice despite the circumstances but she was itching to start working again.

Unfortunately for Jayne, this left him with a lot more extra time on his hands during the daytime hours and he started finding himself on Serenity more and more. The Sovereign’s crew was mostly out and about doing their chores and such in the afternoon hours, having dinner together along with Serenity’s crew, and then everybody would gradually head back to their bunks. This much alone time with each other due to the quick turnaround from Zeta, made Monty’s crew all a bit anti-social.

Moreover, there was just more to do on Serenity than there was on the Sovereign. Serenity still had what used to be his weights and he still sometimes helped Kaylee with welding and manufacturing spare parts from the junk stock they purchased on Kalorie.

He also made it a point to spend time with Der every day after Zoe had sought him out, letting him know that Der kept asking about him and would he mind.

It was disconcerting, he decided, seeing Zoe be almost tentative as she asked; he’d never thought he’d see her that way and, as such, – his own paternal feelings aside – hadn’t the heart to tell her no. He couldn’t help but wonder what had happened to her arm but couldn’t figure out a way to ask so he kept silent and did his best not to pointedly stare at it.

The change in the First Mate disturbed him as the notion spurred his brain into thinking about all of the little differences he’d seen in them since he’d left.

The light around Kaylee had dimmed some and he noticed that she, River, and Simon pretty much kept to themselves at mealtimes as if distancing themselves from Mal and Zoe. Simon it seemed had grown up a lot in the intervening months; he’d obviously learned not to fret as much over his sister and had only put his foot in it once or twice with Kaylee. There was hardness about the young doctor that hadn’t been there before.

As for River, well he hadn’t seen much of her except at mealtimes; she tended to flit about the ships, being here or there just before him and he was starting to wonder if it was on purpose, though he had no clue as to why that would be.

He finished his last rep with the bar and sat up, toweling himself off with the rag, when he heard; “Jay!” followed by the sound of little feet trying hurry themselves along, “Mama fas’er!”

Looking up, he saw Zoe pick up Der and carry him down the steps only to let the squirming child go as soon as they reached the bottom. He fell about four times as he made his way toward Jayne, but he got back up himself every time and kept going; he was a determined little bugger, Jayne had to admit.

As Der got close, Jayne stood up and called, “Hey there, Little Man.” He felt himself soften a bit as the kid ran full tilt into and hugged his leg.

Zoe stopped a few steps away, “A couple hours okay? I’m gonna go catch some shut eye for a bit.”

Jayne frowned; this was not like the Zoe he once knew. She looked wiped out and just downright exhausted. Unable to help himself, “You okay, Zoe?”

She started; surprised that he’d asked and then shrugged, “Doc’s got me on some meds that keep the nerves in my arm from atrophying any more than they already have. It’s old-fashioned stuff, but it keeps me open for options should we come across some regen meds or the like. Injection days just take a lot out of a body.”

He nodded as he leaned down to pick up Der who was trying to untie the double knots on Jayne’s boots. Quietly he told her, “Take your time, Zoe. You ain’t up by dinner; I’ll feed ‘im. I know the drill.”

Silently she tilted her head in acknowledgement and left for her bunk, grateful for the dignity he afforded her when she knew she didn’t deserve it. As much as she wanted to apologize for her part in what had happened, she honestly didn’t think he’d accept it.

Turning back to the boy, “So, whatta ya wanna do today, Li’l Man?”

“Dinos,” the boy cried gleefully. “Grrrrrrr!”

Jayne rolled his eyes and sighed, shaking his head. It’s a gorram good thing I’m here. Kid’s only a year old an’ he’s already too much like his Pa. It were just sad.

---

Mal walked through the short umbilical from the Sovereign where he’d been talking to Monty onto Serenity only to stop dead at the sound of who could only be Der shrieking as someone tossed him high enough into the air that Mal could see him clearly over the crates stacked between them.

“‘Gain! Jay, ‘gain!” Der cried as Jayne put him on his feet just in time to see Mal running around the crates and stopping to rub a hand over his face in relief.

Chuckling ruefully, “Ai ya, Jayne. Just about gave me a heart attack there.”

Jayne purposely concentrated on Der and frowned when the child scowled and made a face that clearly displayed his displeasure at seeing the Captain. Leaning in close to Jayne, Der whispered loudly, “’S Tap’m Meany,” and nodded his head conspiratorially.

Jayne raised his eyebrow and looked at Mal. “He’s still mad I s’pose from th’ other day when I said not to color on the walls an’ took his crayons away.” The two men chuckled as Der made a face and stuck his tongue out at Mal.

Lifting Der into his arms as they headed toward the stairs to the galley, “Yeah, I got ta hear all ‘bout that from this little guy.”

Following along, Mal hesitated and then decided to take a chance; Jayne had been more and more sociable with Serenity’s crew lately and seeing the big man around a lot more made it harder for him to keep to the plan of not pushing. Besides, when haven’t I ever pushed someone, Mal thought to himself before speaking.

“So, uh, how ya been of late, Jayne?” He hated how his voice was suddenly hesitating and more than a little unsure sounding.

In front of him, Jayne stilled and Mal could see the walls re-erecting themselves around his former merc. “Ain’t wantin’ ta go there with you, Mal. Leave it alone,” his voice low and dangerous.

It saddened Mal how quickly Jayne became wary of him again, “Jayne – ”

Turning back to Mal, his eyes hard and voice cold, “Just shut it, Mal,” he said as he and Der went on into the galley and Mal stayed behind.

From somewhere in the vicinity a light, airy voice singsonged at him, “Shouldn’t push!”

---

Zoe was still asleep at dinner, finally making it to the table as everyone was finishing up, nodding to Jayne in thanks for feeding her son. River took Der with her to the bridge to “allow him to commune with his father,” as she’d put it. It was Jayne’s turn to be on clean up, and so he stayed behind doing the dishes and putting things away while she ate.

Finally he broke the silence, nodding at her arm, “What happened after I left, Zoe?” Mal’s blatantly guilty reaction to his jibe had been bothering him all afternoon.

Her spoon stilled, halfway to her mouth and she laid it down, trying to decide if she wanted to have this conversation. When she did, she chose her words carefully.

“He…wasn’t right after you left; I guess is the best way to put it. He grieved for you and what he’d done; he went through the motions day to day, and then would hole himself up in his bunk for hours – and sometimes days – on end, doing what none of us know. He barely ate, slept even less, and got reckless. There were times he forgot he had a crew.”

Her eyes met his and spoke volumes, “Doc tried to get him to take better care of himself – we all did – but he wouldn’t. Started yellin’ at Kaylee when she’d ask for parts, makin’ her cry, an’ the Doc did a lotta peacemakin’ with the locals on account o’ him. Finally, one day it came to a head. His not sleepin’ an’ not takin’ care of himself caught up with him an’ he collapsed on a job that’d already started goin’ bad. River flew in with Serenity an’ got us out, but we didn’t get away clean,” she said with a shrug of her injured shoulder.

“He get any better?” Jayne asked quietly, leaning on the counter.

She gave a sideways nod. “Some, but not enough. Some on here may not stay on for long once we hit Beaumonde. Folks, they’ll have options then; ones that wanted to leave while we were in Zeta couldn’t, passage wasn’t safe enough. He don’t know that, though,” she said with a meaningful glance.

Jayne nodded his own mind on the hairiness of his own passage back. The men he’d hitched a ride with made a double-crosser like Badger seem like a saint. He was big enough and had enough guns that they hadn’t messed with him, but he couldn’t see any of the rest of Serenity’s crew making that trip unscathed. That much time in the black made monsters of some men.

The two were silent as Zoe finished eating and Jayne finished cleaning up until she was suddenly standing in front of him. “You ever gonna let me apologize, Jayne?”

He kept his eyes locked to a spot on the counter, unable to look her in the eyes. “I don’t know, Zoe,” he whispered.

She nodded and left him be.

---

“Hey, Jayne,” Kaylee called as she tossed a wrench onto the deck. They were both in the engine room; Kaylee still working on dismantling any sections of the old engine she could to save on labor costs at the yard when they got the new engine, and Jayne was busy switching out the cables powering Serenity from the Sovereign.

“Yeah, Kaylee?” He called as he double checked everything before turning around and handing her the pry bar she was blindly feeling for. Grunting, she pulled the warped panel loose and Jayne took the opportunity to lift it from her to set it on the deck.

“’F I sent ya to look for somethin’ for my girl, ya think you could find it?” She held up a bent and twisted half-melted…something that he didn’t recognize.

He looked dubiously at the hunk of metal, turning it over in his hands. “Dunno. Don’t really know what this is.”

Kaylee tsked at him. “Aw, that’s cause it’s not the whole of it. This piece broke off an’ got jammed in there so it had ta come out separate. ‘S part of the flow rate optimizer,” she smiled watching his face light up in recognition.

“That I c’n find,” he said heading toward the galley pantry where they were storing a lot of the spare parts.

---

Mal wandered into the galley in search of breakfast; it was mid-morning by this time and the galley was devoid of people. He’d taken to the luxury of sleeping in a bit most days as there wasn’t much of a reason usually to be up as early as he normally was. The door to the pantry was open and he could hear Kaylee rooting around in there again.

He put water in the electric kettle to boil for some ramen and set about pouring a cup of coffee only to find that only the dregs remained. Growling in frustration – I just want my morning coffee people! He dumped the pot and put new grounds in the filter and turned it on.

His ears perked up at some decidedly male – and creative – swearing coming from the pantry, curious as to who was in there, he tiptoed over to peek in, only to find a pissed off Jayne mumbling to himself as he apparently looked for something. Deciding to help while his breakfast cooked, Mal stepped in, trying unsuccessfully to keep the amused smile off his face.

Nodding to his former merc as he stepped up alongside the larger man, “Mornin’. Kaylee got ya huntin’ for stuff again? Want some help while my breakfast cooks?”

Jayne watched Mal for any hint of falsity and found none; Mal not pushing anymore was really starting to put him on edge, Jayne decided, not liking it one bit. But he’d been looking for the optimizer for well over an hour with no luck so a second pair of eyes would only help.

“Lookin’ for the flow rate optimizer.”

---

As soon as Mal disappeared from the doorway of the pantry, a little brown-haired head peered around the corner of the hallway into the galley, making sure the coast was clear, even though she knew it was.

“Silent, like little mice,” she whispered to herself as she crept closer to the pantry door, her head cocked to one side as she kept her mind carefully attuned to the men inside so as not to be discovered. This was too good of an opportunity to pass up.

As she moved closer, she could hear the two men talking as the shifted parts around, working in sync with each other, not nearly at the level they’d used to, but getting there, she decided.

“All part of the plan, Captain can’t push, but she can,” she said as she slammed the door shut and activated the lock, trapping the two men inside.

Then she changed the code to keep others from releasing them too early. For they had much to discuss.

And they were stubborn.

Previous | Next

Security Blanket 9 / ?

2008-11-11T02:45:58Z

Title: Security Blanket 9 / ?
Pairing: Jayne/River
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 2,750-ish
A/N: Sorry guys, my muse died and it has been most difficult to get this halfway decent...

Jayne stopped short when he came out of the shower room wrapped only in a towel and rounded the corner into the hallway to the crew bunks, only to find some jien huo waiting for him outside his hatch.

Hey, maybe Mal sprung for me ta have a nice piece o’ trim ta say, “Thanks Jayne for savin’ my dumb ass pi gu!”

Realizing he was dressed only in a towel, he suddenly wished he’d brought clothes with him to the shower room instead of just his towel since he’d been the only one up at the crew quarters anyway.

He always liked making a good impression with the ladies, even if he was paying for it. Meetin’ a workin’ girl in a towel just ain’t dignified, he thought.

When he saw her tap one last time on his door before starting to crack it open, he barked, “Hey! What the gorram hell you think you’re doin’?!”

The girl spun around and he was shocked to find River – a very grown up looking River – staring back at him.

Her surprised smile swiftly falling into wide-eyed surprise; her eyes getting bigger the lower she looked.

She bit her lip when her gaze reached the towel and her eyes squinted as she peered a bit to the side. He was very well structured, physically, she decided, her eyes locked onto and visually following the path of hair on his chest, tapering down into the waistband of the towel.

River was surprised to find that she really wanted to know what was under there; she’d never had such curiosities before – let alone about Jayne – about the male form.

She wondered if she could get him to drop his towel.

After a couple moments, Jayne realized two things: one, River was ogling him. And two, his John Thomas was starting to take an interest in being ogled. His hand clutched tighter at his towel.

He thought about seeing Mal naked and septic duty and any other unappealing thoughts he could conjure up in his mind until his John Thomas’s interest waned and he sighed in relief.

River’s eyes shot up to his and her face blushed beet red with embarrassment as he cleared his throat uncomfortably. He’d caught her staring! Why was she staring?! She’d seen him in less before! At the very least she’d seen him shirtless dozens of times!

She turned her eyes to dart around everywhere but at him, mortified at having been caught but unable to bring herself to run away. Standing there, she couldn’t find any words to say and cursed herself for it.

For his part, Jayne did his best not to let show what he thought of her curves in that dress. It was a muted periwinkle silk with a pleated and low cut satin bodice and hugged her curves, emphasizing them to their full advantage. Combined with the bit of face paint she had on, he was pretty sure she could give Inara a run for her money.

Clearing his throat again as he still felt a bit shell shocked, “Uh, what’d ya do to yourself? There a reason ya got yourself all gussied up? Or was it one a’ them girly things y’all do sometimes?”

Taking his response as being less than favorable, she self-consciously fidgeted and played with her hair, “Simon intends to propose to Kaylee. Inara was in on the ruse and planned a makeover to secretly prepare her. Killed two birds with one stone, as well; secondary reason was to make the girl look like a woman and be noticed as such.”

Jayne frowned, “Why you referrin’ to yourself in the – what is it? Fourth? – person again? Thought you was over callin’ yourself ‘The Girl’.”

River looked to her left, fidgeting with her hands, her teeth worrying her lower lip. “You are clothed only in a towel. Her equilibrium has become unbalanced. She is not comfortable.”

He rolled his eyes, “Well, if ya’d move, I could get inta my bunk an’ put somethin’ else on. Then we’d both be more comfterble.”

She started as though that had just occurred to her and stepped aside. A slit in the skirt of her dress showed him a tempting flash of toned thigh. “You are correct. You may proceed.”

Gorram! Girlie’s got some legs on ‘er, he thought before ripping his mind away from the thoughts he was having, lest she hear them and decide she didn’t want to be his friend any more.

He sent her a suspicious glare as he passed by, “You’re bein’ ruttin’ feng le, ya know that? All day ya’ve been weird.”

His face scrunched as he thought for a moment. “Well, more ’n usual anyhow.”

As he opened the hatch and stepped down the ladder, he left the door open, “Now don’t go peekin’ or nothin’. ‘S jus’ so’s we can still talk an’ all. Dong ma?”

While he changed and finished cleaning himself up, River stayed up top, trying to shush the devil on her shoulder that told her to attempt to sneak a peek by telling Jayne what all she, Kaylee, and Inara had done after they’d left the jail.

Meanwhile, Jayne was quick; it was less than two minutes before his head poked back up as he came out of his bunk dressed in black denims and a familiar deep blue button down shirt.

River smiled happily, “You are wearing the shirt I got you for Christmas!”

He looked at her for a second and then down at himself, “Huh? Oh, uh, yeah. ‘S a right fine shirt. The girls at Miss Kitty’s always love it; say it make me look all swai,” he grinned cockily at her.

As they walked through the galley on their way to the cargo bay, he asked her in passing, “You get back here in time so’s your brother could see how pretty ya look?”

River was still pondering over why his comment about the whores finding him swai bothered her when his question registered in her brain. She stopped in her tracks and looked up at him in surprise, a shy smile at her lips and a blush at her cheeks, “You think she looks pretty?” She couldn’t help but preen a bit and swish her skirt.

Jayne chuckled knowingly as they headed down the stairs to the bay, “Aww hell, you know ya do. Think ‘Nara’d let you outta her sight without you lookin’ all shiny an’ prettified?”

Her smile turned bright with still a hint of shyness as she invited, “She is – I am going to see a movie at the cortex picture house. If – if you wanted to go see a movie as well when you return, I will wait for you. My treat to celebrate your return to freedom.”

She hoped he would want to join her; she’d missed him while they’d been apart and wanted to spend time with her friend. It would also give her comfort to know that he was coming back.

Even though she could sleep on her own now, she still found that she missed his warm, solid mass behind her at night and his arm wrapped around her middle. She missed cuddling into him and never feeling cold at night with him there.

She even missed his snoring.

He gave a shake of his head, “Nah. I’m gonna take advantage of us both bein’ able ta sleep by our lonesome an’ get me a girl for the night. Thanks though.”

She felt something in her chest go cold – which she found most peculiar as her internal body temperature had not changed.

“Oh,” she said quietly, her fingers fiddling with the charm around her neck, “Okay.”

As they approached the two women still playing with the chortling baby, Zoe looked up. “You two headin’ out?”

Jayne stopped for a second as Zoe stood up and walked with him to the ramp to open it. “I’ll be back in the mornin’ ta take watch, but yeah, I’m stayin’ out t’night. Girlie over there,” he said, motioning to River who was talking quietly to Inara.

He did a double-take and frowned at the melancholy look on her face.

He frowned. When ‘d that happen? She was fine a bit ago.

Chalking it up to being a girl thing, he continued on, and turned back to Zoe, “said she was gonna hit a picture house but I don’t know where or when.”

Careful to conceal her disappointment in his decision to go to a cathouse, Zoe nodded and opened the ramp. “See ya in the mornin’ then.”

---

When the ramp finished closing, Zoe walked back over to the young pilot and the Companion gently bouncing her son to his delight.

After a moment or two of silence, Inara gently prompted, “What happened, mei mei?”

Her emotions manifesting her aura had turned a riot of colors, most of them varying degrees of sadness and confusion. She’d never begrudged Jayne his need for sexual gratification, so why did she feel hurt that he was seeking it now?

Her hands slow and methodical as she took down her hair as she processed her thoughts; when it finally lay in a shining brown curtain down her back, she dipped her head forward, allowing it to shield her from direct view.

Mumbling, almost as if to herself, “She sought him out, wanted his diagnosis regarding her appearance. Said she was pretty, but she is not pretty enough.”

Zoe just looked on as Inara took River’s hand and gently unwound the girl’s fingers from her hair. “Mei mei, look at me,” Inara ordered coaxingly.

River’s big brown eyes, shiny with unshed tears met the concerned ones of the elder Companion. “What do you think you were not pretty enough for, mei mei? You are and look beautiful – even Jayne noticed that.”

River looked down at her hands, her voice a whisper, “It wasn’t enough to make him stay.”

The elder women’s gazes met, acknowledging between them that River was finally realizing her feelings for the big mercenary.

This time it was Zoe who spoke up, “Did you want him to stay, Little One?”

River shook her head gave a restless sigh, “she doesn’t know!”

She jumped up to pace a small line back and forth in front of her friends, taking comfort in the repetitive rhythm. 1, 2, 3, 4, turn… She was frustrated at her inability to decipher her feelings. How could she explain them to her friends if she couldn’t even make sense of her emotions?

“Don’t think, mei mei, just talk. We’ll sort it out,” Inara urged.

---

Eager for the night to begin, Jayne strutted through town, bypassing all the bars and lesser cathouses as he made a beeline for Miss Kitty’s, a higher class place with better girls that he’d only been able to afford occasionally over the years when times were good. Since he’d mostly quit drinking, he’d been surprised at how much extra coin he had now and almost wished he’d quit earlier.

Coming up to the front door where it was promptly opened by a bouncer who was bigger than he, Jayne nodded to the man and went to the cashier to pay for the amount of time he wanted – you didn’t get to even see the girls until after you paid – and an alarm/locator was locked onto his wrist, allowing him to be alerted when his time was up and the bouncers to find him if there should be trouble.

That done, another set of bouncers opened the large French doors into the parlor where a veritable buffet of women awaited him. Fighting to keep the ecstatic grin off his face and his badass persona at the fore, he strode in and looked the room over, admiring all the tasty to be had.

There were about twenty or so ladies (it was still fairly early in the evening) enticingly sprawled out on various pieces of furniture, showing themselves to their best advantage. His taste usually ran toward bold blondes or redheads with lush figures, who could handle a rough ride. But tonight, it seemed, none of them – including two girls he’d spent a great time with before – held much appeal and he found his eye wandering over girls whose hair was darker and their bodies petite and graceful, but he still couldn’t decide.

It took him a few minutes to figure out what it was he was looking for and why none of the girls held much appeal. None of them were her, he realized, shaken by the thought that he wanted River Tam. The one good friend I got an’ had ta go an’ screw it up by wantin’ her, gorram it!

Resolute in his determination to suppress his desires, he summoned the two girls he knew from before and allowed them to lead him upstairs and away from temptation.

---

It was late and River had long since given up that Jayne would come back to the ship tonight. It was foolhardy, she knew – as she lay on her bed, playing with her hair – and he’d told her he was planning to stay at the cathouse all night, but she’d still hoped.

Her talk with Zoe and Inara had provided her with some clarity, and though she still wasn’t entirely certain why Jayne’s going whoring tonight distressed her so, she did have an idea. Through forming a hypothesis based on the answers given to the questions she’d asked her two friends as well as her observations of her own emotional and physical responses to her proximity to Jayne – especially those from tonight – she’d come to a conclusion of what it all meant.

Her distress lead to one thing: she liked Jayne Cobb.

A smile slowly grew on her face as she reveled in an inner warmth suffused her being.

So this is what it feels like to like a boy…

She got up to get a drink from the galley, wanting to enjoy these new feelings for a while before she slept, fearing they might disappear with the dawn.

---

As he walked – or rather, staggered – back to Serenity, Jayne Cobb was three things: he was embarrassed, enraged, and he was drunk.

After he’d left the cathouse in shame, he’d stopped at the nearest bar using his refund – from Miss Kitty herself, no less, as these things made for a bad reputation if word got out – on the strongest rotgut they had, and lots of it.

Unfortunately, the drunker he’d got, the meaner he’d become and before long, a brawl broke out, allowing him to work of some of his rage. Some, but not all; embers still flared in his gut.

“That bitch put some kinda hex on me an’ ‘m gonna figure out what an’ put a end ta it,” he muttered to himself as he stormed along in a jagged line, long past able to walk straight. “Ain’t right ta mess with a man’s man-parts like that; John Thomas ain’t never had a false start ‘til her. Ruttin’ witch. Maybe I shoulda just let those ruttin’ hillfolk burn ‘er alive.”

When he finally stumbled up the ramp and punched his code to open the airlock, he’d worked himself up into such a lather that rather than wait until morning like he’d planned, Jayne stumbled through the bay toward the guest bunks intent on giving River a piece of his mind.

Reaching her door, he leaned against the frame, pounding on the thin panel with his fist. “Crazy! Get your ruttin’ pi gu out here!”

When she didn’t answer, he gripped the handle on the door and wrenched it open, disappointed when he found her room empty. He let out a growl of impotent rage and slammed it shut before turning and storming up the stairs, intent on going to his bunk when he entered the galley and saw her standing there.

---

River looked up from where she stood making her tea at the sound of someone approaching. She knew those footsteps!

Jayne had come back!

She smiled up at him for half a second as he entered the galley, hoping he’d be just as happy to see her.

And then he noticed her and the force of his emotions hit her like a round from Vera. Grabbing her ears, she staggered back, whimpering and barely hearing his voice as he began to yell.

“What the ruttin’ hell’d you do to me you gorram witch?!”

To go back and reread if you need it:

Chapter: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8

Gauging Interest in a Jellie themed fic/art/other media Secret Santa Exchange

2008-11-07T02:37:53Z

Santa Casey, slide under the covers, with me
And let me feel that big bicep, or two
So hurry down the chimney tonight!
(To the tune of Santa Baby)

So, I am thinking of putting together some kind of Jellie fandom exchange for the holidays and I would like to get a feel for how many people are interested in participating, what mediums to use, how many they are willing to do, etc.

If there are only a couple people (our very welcome lurkers, this would be a lovely time to try your hand at writing!) wanting to participate -- as our community is still small and Chuck's writers haven't given us much to work with yet this season -- I am also wondering if people would be willing to maybe do two or more gifts so there is more love to spread around.

So please, fill out the poll, be you interested or not:

View Poll: I want to participate in the Jellie Secret Santa

ESCAPE! (Run! Flee!)

2008-11-07T01:59:14Z

1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER WHAT

IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
Higher Ground

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL ?
Kids Wanna Rock (?)

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Unlimited Megajam

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
I Can Love You Better

WHATS YOUR MOTTO?
Rock Your Body (ROFL)

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Smooth Criminal (but I's a good girl!)

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
If Looks Could Kill

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BESTESTS?
I am a Rock

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Send it On (is this like bring it on?)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Affirmation

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Goodies (o_0)

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Spirit In the Sky

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
We Built This City (I am a CITY?!)

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
You Crack Me Up (I certainly hope they do)

YOUR FUNERAL?
Cuts Like a Knife (I hope this is not indicative of how I died...)

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Let Her Cry

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?
Spanish Eyes (Spaniards are scary you know...)

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Survivor

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Tubthumping

WHAT DO YOU SEE YOURSELF DOING IN 10 YEARS?
Wheel in the Sky

WHAT DOES NEXT YEAR HAVE IN STORE FOR ME?
Live to tell (well I hope I do)

WHAT DOES YOUR LOVE LIFE LOOK LIKE?
Broken (see my hobbies for explanation)

WHAT DO I SAY WHEN LIFE GETS HARD?
She's always a Woman to Me (awwww....)

WHAT DO YOU WANT AS A CAREER?
Green Onions

YOUR FAVORITE SAYING?
Faint

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
Tell Her About it

WHERE WOULD YOU GO ON A FIRST DATE?
Numb

DESCRIBE YOURSELF.
New York State of Mind

WHAT IS THE THING I LIKE DOING MOST?
When Doves Cry

THE SONG THAT BEST DESCRIBES THE PRESIDENT?
Run To You (Yeah, baby!)

HOW WILL I DIE?
Lady Marmalade

REMINDS YOU OF AN EX-LOVER...
Blueberry YumYum (actually kind of accurate)

REMINDS YOU OF AN EX-FRIEND...
What About Love?

MAKES YOU CRY...
Right Thurr

MAKES YOU LAUGH...
I Want You

YOU WANT TO GET MARRIED TO..
Big Shot

YOU WILL WAKE UP TO...
Serenity (nice...)

WHAT SONG WILL BE THE SUBJECT WHEN YOU REPOST IT?
Escape

I hath votered!!!

2008-11-04T17:25:31Z

Okay, so my entire (not really) reason for voting was so that I could get me a "I VOTED" sticker when I cast my ballot at 7am this morning as the polls opened (I was #11 at my polling place) and when I did cast my ballot, I asked them if we get said sticker and you know what they told me?

"Well that'd be a real nice idea if we had them, don't you think?"

YES I think that. I WANTED MY GOD DAMN STICKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I was gonna cap a bitch. Seriously.

So then I got to work and made myself this little piece of subtlety.

I know...you all are jealous of my oh-so-subtle sticker (it is the size of a blue-ray disc)

And then do you know what happened???????

Mr. Frank at my office was supremely AWESOME and gave me HIS sticker!!!

OMG I was sooooo excited!!!

So now I has TWO!

Mee with sticker...(keep in mind I has no makeups on and I had like 2hrs of sleep so I look like crap.)

and both stickers together...

Meme filched from Sunshineali

2008-11-02T23:28:02Z

A fun 69 question meme I snagged from Sunshineali..........

Are your parents married or divorced?
They were married...now divorced

Are you a vegetarian?
No...I would make more of an effort though if such options were more conveniently available.

Do you believe in Heaven?
I believe that I will find out who is right what is out there after I die. In the mean time, I honestly don't care...people should not live their lives for the sole intent of getting into somewhere/fear of not getting there in the afterlife.

Have you ever come close to dying?
Yes...

What jewelry do you wear 24/7?
Um...that would probably enter the realm of TMI for most of you...

Are you eating?
Not at the moment...

Do you eat the stems of broccoli?
YES...mmm...crunchy...

Do you wear makeup?
Occasionally...I don't like how it feels on my skin though.

Would you ever have plastic surgery?
Yes, totally and with no shame.

What do you wear to bed?
Nothing.

Have you ever done anything illegal?
Sure.

Can you roll your tongue?
Yup.

Do you have a boyfriend or girlfriend?
I has my girl! (In general, I don't discriminate based on gender)

Do you believe in abortions?
I believe that men who have no uteri (or uteruses?) should stay out of the issue. They may have an opinion when they have one and it becomes a potential decision THEY will have to make.
I also believe that women who make this decision have the right to have it done in a safe, clean environment.
I believe that people who are against them may lodge their protest, but they do not have the right to deprive other women from Belief # 2.
I believe that the decision to either keep or terminate a pregnancy -- especially an unplanned one or due to a traumatic conception (rape/incest) -- is a harsh one that takes a great deal of soul searching.
I believe that the decision to terminate a pregnancy is NOT taking the easy way out.
I believe that the decision to keep a pregnancy is also NOT taking the easy way out.
I believe that there is NO easy answer and everyone must decide for themselves.

Would I personally have one? I don't know, I have never been put in that position. But I will respect and support anyone who feels that it is right for them.

What is your hair color?
Dark brown dyed to a mahogany.

And an ever increasing number of silvers popping up for which I blame my mother.

Future child's name, boy and girl?
Ian Willette
and Isabella Mariella

Do you smoke?
No...I have tried it though to see what the fuss was about.

If you could go anywhere in the world where would it be?
I have to pick ONE place?! Bastards... :D

Do you sleep with stuffed animals?
YES. I has my Funshine Carebear that my girl won me in a claw machine...she is AWESOME!

If you won the lottery, what would you do first?
Lock a minimum of half away in a CD so I can't get at it for a minimum of a year, keep a percentage to splurge with, and pay off any and all debts.

Gold or silver?
Silver, titanium, or platinum. I's an expensive bitch! :D

Hamburger or hot dog?
Hotdogs are kosher beef only...Burger is with as extremely lean beef as possible. It depends on my mood though, but mostly burgers.

If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?
Probably Mexican food. Or anything with tzatzkiki sauce...mmmmmm...

City, beach or country?
Beach. I love the salty air.

Country is nice but where there are cows, there is cow poop. And I have allergies.

What was the last thing you touched?
Mr. Stanley's (my cat) belly.

Where did you eat last?
Arby's

When's the last time you cried?
Yesterday watching a movie. I am the world's biggest cryer at movies...

Do you read blogs?
Sometimes.

Would you ever go out dressed like the opposite sex?
I've done it, but then again, women dressing like men is far easier than men dressing as women.

Ever been involved with the police?
Yes but nothing major, traffic stops and helpful stuff.

What's your favorite shampoo/conditioner and soap?
Herbal Essences Body Envy shampoo and conditioner. Soap is Dove. Body wash is Pure grace by Philosophy.

Do you talk in your sleep?
I've been told that I have done it a few times. I do not believe it though.

Ocean or pool?
Preferably a heated saltwater pool. Chlorine pools are not good for the skin or hair.

What's your favorite song at the moment?
Flo-rida's "In the Ayer"

Have you ever had a cavity?
Not until I was 26 and then I got 3...bastards...

Window seat or aisle seats?
Window unless my layover is quick, then aisle and as far forward as possible.

Ever met anyone famous?
Yes, some basketball player on one of my flights to see the missus.

Do you feel that you've had a truly successful life?
Sure...

Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it?
If I am by myself I like to slurp it one noodle at a time...otherwise I twirl.

What is your favorite sport to play?
Volleyball.

Basketball or football?
If I have to pick, football. Really I don't care about either, but I someone gives me a team to root for I will defend them to the death. I'm weird I know...

When was the last time you went to the bathroom?
Whenever it was I had to pee last...

Do you drive a stick?
No, but I do the whole lurch and stall thing very well.

Cake or ice cream?
Ice cream!!!

Are you self-conscious?
Sometimes.

Do you like any of your close friends?
They be the family I chose rather than the family I am stuck with.

Have you ever given money to a bum?
Yes.

Have you been in love?
I has a missus who will read this so if I don't say yes, I wll be in trouble.
LOL...yes.

Where do you wish you were?
With said missus

On MySpace why is the 1st person on your top 8 there?
It's either the default Tom guy or one of my friends...that is why

Have you ever ridden in an ambulance?
No.

Can you tango?
Yes...Any opportunity I can find to be a dork, I take it. And the whole dramatic walk, walk, walk, dip, repeat thing, is one such opportunity.

Last gift you received?
Flowers.

What occasion did you receive your gift?
Anniversary.

Last thing you spent lots of money on?
Airfare to visit missus.

Where do you live?
Seattle

Last wedding attended?
Probably the no longer talked to paternal figure's wedding #2

Favorite restaurant?
Maya's for Mexican
Wah Kue's/Emperor's Palace for Chinese
Siam for Thai
Niko's for Greek

What is your favorite kind of car?
Mine...Toyota Matrix

Most hated food(s)?
Gree Bell Peppers and Mushrooms (I went to middle school directly across the street from a mushroom farm. Ew.)

Most loved food(s)?
Cadbury eggs, Totino's Canadian Bacon pizza, Panda Express Orange Chicken

Can you sing?
Absolutely, but not as well as I used to.

Person on your mind?
Missus usually hangs out in the back of the mind. Friends too.

What's your least favorite chore?
Cleaning the bathroom.

Favorite drink?
Water with mint.

Currently have a crush?
Yes, man-crushes change with the seasons, but Adam Baldwin rocks my world. Also, I will happily hump anyone whose accent melts my panties. *is an bit of an accent whore*

How long was your longest drive in a car?
Olympia, Washington to Prince Rupert, B.C. just over 1,100 miles in 24 hours

Why do you do Myspace/Livejournal surveys?
If I'm in the mood to share of myself I guess...

Do you know who Nick Tyo is?
Not a clue.

I can haz hug times nao? Whining post

2008-10-27T18:36:59Z

Okay, so, you know how there are certain little things in life that you don't realize just how much you appreciate being able to do them until you can't?

I had a septoplasty (straightening of the septum in your nose) on Friday and my nose is super sore, stuffy, AND RUNNY!!!

I have to wander around with kleenex with which to dab at my nose every two seconds and then wince because it HURTS to touch the nose.

This is so not cool, people.

And after I get the splints out tomorrow, I still am not allowed to blow for a WEEK!

WAH!

I can haz hugs and pettings?

Teeny Spoiler Jellie Moment in 2.04 Chuck vs. the Cougars!!!

2008-10-22T04:34:30Z

Okay, while it is not strictly a Jellie moment, it counts. And better yet, it's CANON! That's right folks, we got a canon Jellie moment now.

Casey has planted a camera that points directly at Ellie (and the bed in general) in her bed. Not even the nightstand is more than a smidge in the picture. It is completely focussed on her.

Even though at that moment it is Chuck viewing it, Casey put it there!

He loves to watch her so. *sighs*

See the ep at 3:22 or look below.

Inappropriateness with stick figures...

2008-10-22T03:03:48Z

OMG! This video is soooo awesomely inappropriate, I love it!

It is "Bang Bang Bang" by Group X

Yes that kind of bang.

Community Organizer vs. Mayor of Wasilla

2008-10-14T19:26:10Z

Ummm...pwn?

Berkley Breathed is so made of WIN!!!

2008-10-08T06:05:54Z

While I am sad that he is ending his comic, Opus, his quoted reason for doing so is PURE GENIUS!!!

Via the Seattle Times newspaper:

"Opus" nearing the end

Berkeley Breathed is pulling the plug on his comic "Opus" after Nov. 2. The 5-year-old Sunday comic with a political bent, starring the penguin from Breathed's Pulitzer Prize-winning comic "Bloom County," is ending just before the presidential election. Breathed also writes screenplays, novels and children's books. "With the crisis in Wall Street and Washington, I'm suspending my comic strip to assist the nation," he said Monday. "The best way I can help is to leave politics permanently and write funny stories for America's kids. I call on John McCain to join me."

Obama/Biden 2008!

Security Blanket (8 / ?)

2008-09-06T04:46:14Z

Title: Security Blanket 8 / ?
Pairing: Jayne/River
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 3,200-ish
A/N: Sorry guys, my muse died and it has been most difficult to get this halfway decent...

“Jayne? We have returned.”

Thirteen days, twelve hours, and sixteen minutes from when he’d heard the cell door close, Jayne looked up and saw the most welcome sight he could imagine: River Tam standing outside the cell door. She looked sane and rested; exactly what he’d hoped for her and felt something within his chest ease at the sight of her.

And with him being able to sleep through the night now himself, this meant that there was no longer any reason for the two of them to sleep together. He could finally spread out and have the whole bed—his bed—to himself.

He couldn’t figure out, though, why he wasn’t nearly as happy about that as he’d thought he would be.

Pushing his thoughts aside lest she pick up on them, he put a half-hearted crooked grin on his face and stood up, walking to the door. “Hey there, girlie. They ain’t lettin’ me outta here ‘til tomorrow but ‘s good ta see y’all ain’t gone an’ left me.”

The two stared searchingly at each other, both wanting to say something but not sure what. As River bit her lip hesitantly, he finally spoke up again, “How you doin’? Ya slept okay? Ya alright.”

She shyly dipped her head, her cheeks coloring slightly that he’d noticed. When here hair failed to hide her blush, she also wished she hadn’t let Kaylee braid her hair that morning. She still didn’t know why but she’d practically rushed off the ship to the jail as soon as the Captain had given them all their leave for the day.

On their return trip whenever she’d thought of Jayne she’d experienced the strangest feelings in her stomach. Kaylee seemed to know and understand what was wrong, correctly asking if it felt like butterflies were trapped there once River had managed to explain all of her symptoms.

River had asked how Kaylee knew; Kaylee had just smiled and said, “You’re a smart girl, River. You’ll figure it out one o’ these days.”

Simon had not been helpful with a diagnosis even though she knew that he knew what was wrong with her. No one had been concerned.

Although Simon had gotten streaky for a couple of days, which was always fun.

And then he’d turned around and accidentally insulted Kaylee who’d come in with her.

Boob.

“Yes. She – I – managed to learn to fight back and kill those who would come for me in the night. Monsters and Blue Hands all vanquished.” As she felt his pride in her, she smiled back at him, feeling very proud of her own self.

What confused her, though, was the disappointment that suddenly flared bright and then was gone. Why was he disappointed in her? Had she done something wrong?

They both sat on opposite sides of the cell door, Jayne leaning against the sidewall so they could see each other as they talked. River gracefully plopped down and sat cross-legged, her long skirt billowing around her, and played briefly with her fingers as she tried to think of things to say.

Neither could figure out why things were awkward between them now.

After another false start on her end, she straightened up, “how did you sleep, Jayne? Were you able to slay your dragons as well? Your appearance is too healthy – regardless of the short span of our absence – for you to have succumbed to sedative addiction.”

He cleared his throat and fidgeted uncomfortably; the sudden urge to impress her making him consider an alternate response, but she threw him a look that said she knew what he was thinking and he ultimately settled on the truth.

“Well, uh, them first couple o’ nights were a, uh, bit rough an’ I didn’t sleep so good. An’ then it were just like you said, I started takin’ my own advice I gave you an started takin’ care o’ ‘em my own self an’ it got easier ‘til I could sleep normal like again.”

As he talked, his voice faded to a mumble; he felt a bit silly admitting that he’d had trouble but couldn’t pinpoint as to what had changed. The two of them had always been able to speak what was on their minds since they’d become friends and it bothered him that it was suddenly different and he didn’t know why.

The two fell into another silence until River perked up again, “We will be docked for at least two days after you are released from your cage. Captain also has your share waiting for you onboard.” Her face took on a stubborn expression that made her look far too young, “Was his fault that you were imprisoned, allowing Captain and Zoe to get away; only right to share the spoils. Zoe insisted,” she added with a smirk.

He was surprised that he was still getting his cut; for some reason though, he didn’t think Mal was given much of a choice, especially if Zoe had “insisted”. She was one woman he knew better than to ever mess with.

He liked his John Thomas and he liked him exactly where he was thank you very much.

“What will you do with your cut? I am going with Kaylee and Inara to get a new dress as well as an outfit that will be more functional on jobs,” she stated proudly as though she were doing something daring, “I’m getting pants!”

He frowned and raised an eyebrow at her, wondering why pants, of all things, were something to be excited about.

But before he could ask, she answered his thoughts for him, “Girl – I – have never worn pants other than leggings, and those were under dresses. On Osiris, men wear trousers or slacks, like Simon and women are expected to wear skirts or dresses. Pants, like you, Zoe, and the Captain wear – even Kaylee’s coveralls – are considered wearable only by those of low or working class and certainly not something Regan and Gabriel Tam would be caught dead allowing their child to wear.”

Jayne nodded, accepting her explanation and filed it away under his “Things Jayne Cobb don’t understand about Corefolk” folder.

“So, ya wanna start goin’ out on more jobs then do ya? Gotta say, it’ll be better for us all if’n you was wearin’ pants. Easier to strap a leg holster to ya, make your guns easier ta reach. Make ya look more intimidatin’ too.” It just weren’t right for a man to get his pi gu kicked by a little slip of a girl, let alone when she’s wearin’ some fru-frued up flowery skirt. Ain’t right, no sir.

She giggled in response to his thought and he smiled sheepishly at being caught thinking it.

“Them ain’t for you! You get to look but no eatin’ ‘em now,” they heard Kaylee irately bicker with the guard. “Ya ain’t gotta be so thorough, ‘specially since ya just said that he’s gettin’ out early t’night at sundown anyway. What’s the point of breakin’ him out or anything now?”

Craning his neck, Jayne could see Inara imperiously standing beside her, looking as far down her nose as possible at the young man.

Finally allowed to pass (the guard not having the guts to try and search Inara after the look she sent him for implying she might be smuggling something in) the two women made their way down the hall to the cell.

“Hey Jayne! How ya holdin’ up?” Kaylee asked cheerily, there was a grin on her face that was not unlike the one she’d had when she’d made Simon’s cake that one time. “We brought ya somethin’!”

With a poor attempt as being surreptitiously discreet, Kaylee then elbowed Inara in the ribs. The Companion rolled her eyes and gave Kaylee a look before dramatically whipping off the covering to the thing Kaylee held. “Muffins!”

River played along and clapped happily and Inara’s embarrassment eased at the flicker of looking touched that crossed Jayne’s face. The mercenary still had a hard time believing that any of the rest of the crew would go out of their way to do something nice for him, other than River.

He felt River’s hand patting his foot, prompting him to smile. He didn’t know how, but Kaylee’s smile got even bigger as he said, “Thanks Kaylee,” and she passed him the basket through the bars. It was the crew’s bread basket that they used at dinner so he was also informed that he had to bring it back to the ship when he returned but it was the only one that would fit through the bars.

Inara stepped forward, “Jayne, we were hoping we could steal River away to take her shopping, if you think you could spare her,” she said, giving him a genuine smile, knowing he would be starved for company but wanting to work up her surprise, knowing what Simon had in mind for Kaylee tonight. Judging by the atmosphere between the two killers, it looked to be an ideal time to separate the two guns.

Jayne started a bit and blinked in surprise, “Uh, yeah, sure, I guess. Y’all go an’ have fun,” he said with a shooing motion of his hand as he stuffed a muffin in his mouth. “Do them girlie things y’all spend so much gorram time goo-gawin’ ‘bout when we’s in the black.”

Kaylee good-naturedly stuck her tongue out at him as she pulled River up from the floor. Inara made a moue of distaste as she brushed off the young pilot’s skirt, muttering an exasperated, “Mei mei,” under her breath.

Yes, a makeover was definitely in need, she thought. Jayne would never fully be able to see her as a woman if she still acted like a little girl.

---

It was only another eight or nine hours until Jayne was released just after sundown, but it felt like a longer period of time than the entire two weeks previous. As the same guard from earlier came to let him out, the young man leaned forward conspiratorially and whispered, “How’d you get so many fine women like you got?”

The man’s expression took on a look of awe and admiration as he continued despite Jayne’s frown of confusion, “I mean you got that young girl who came in here first and was right eager to see ya, an’ then you had that one who – is she really a Companion? Well, she was a right bitch but –,” the man let out a long whistle of appreciation. “Wow! And with her was that other hot girl, ya know with the pretty blonde hair? An’ now, now you got that one comin’ here for ya.”

The young deputy looked up at him with a look of awe akin to those of the Mudders on Canton. It made him right uncomfortable.

Jayne stepped out of the cell and looked down the hall to see Zoe out front. The deputy asked again, “You got women like that on your ship?”

Jayne smirked as they walked down the hall, “Yep.”

The deputy looked yearningly at Zoe and then with pleading puppy dog eyes at Jayne, “Can – can I come and work with you?”

“Nope. We’s full up. Thanks for comin’ Zoe,” he said, nodding to her as she handed him his guns and waited while he put them on.

She nodded. With a look at the deputy, she asked, “What was that about?”

Jayne gave a snort as they walked out into the dying sunlight, “He wanted ta know how I got me so many fine lookin’ women lookin’ after me.”

She raised an eyebrow at him, “And?”

He chuckled, “An’ could he come work with us, but the poor kid ‘d fair turn to dust w’thin a day what with all the droolin’ he’d be doin’ at the womenfolk.”

This earned an amused chuckle from Zoe as the two slowly headed back to the ship, “Captain figured you’d like a chance to go play tonight so I’m takin’ tonight’s watch and you can pull for me tomorrow. He’s out tonight so I got your share waitin’ for ya back at the ship.”

He cleared his throat and looked at his feet as they walked, “I hear tell I mostly got you to thank for that. Right appreciative,” he said nodding.

She didn’t look at him as she said the next part, knowing how Jayne was about such things, “The crew also each put in a percent o’ theirs, on account that it was you gettin’ yourself thrown in jail to get the job done. So you got a fair bit extra in there to do with as you like.”

Jayne ground to a halt, looking at her in shock. The crew all gave up some of their share…for me?

Without looking back, Zoe called, “If you’re thinkin’ ‘bout giving it back, don’t. You don’t feel right ‘bout keepin’ it, then use the extra to do somethin’ nice for everybody.”

---

They got back to the ship and Jayne immediately went to his bunk and grabbed his stuff for the shower; first on his list was going to get an all night appointment at one of the local cathouses. It had been too gorram long since he’d woken up to some gorram good morning sex!

---

Zoe watched Jayne hurry up the stairs toward the galley before she headed to the infirmary where Simon was watching six month old Derrial Hoban Washbourne, her little man happily in his child seat while Simon finished the child’s check up.

Her brow furrowed with worry, “Somethin’ wrong with him, Doc?”

“Hm?” Simon looked up, surprised and then blushed bashfully, “No, no, nothing’s wrong. I just thought since we needed to do a six month check up and I was watching him, now would be a good time. Good news, he’s in perfect health.”

Zoe smiled, relieved, and picked up Der, kissing his forehead gently and cradling him to her. “Ah, good thing. Had me worried there for a minute.”

Something clicked in Simon’s mind, “Jayne’s back? How is he? Should I go check on him?”

She shook her head, “No, he’s same as always. He headed up to his bunk, whistlin’ to himself so I gather he’s gonna be going out pretty quick so you’ll probably get a chance to see him on his way out.”

---

“You look gorgeous mei mei!” Inara enthused as the last of the alterations on the dress she’d purchased for River were finished and the young pilot twirled and preened delightedly in front of the mirror, her lightly painted face flushed with pleasure.

Kaylee clapped delightedly, dressed in a brand new dress herself, “Oh, thanks, ‘Nara! These are so shiny an’ fancy, I’m gonna knock Simon for a loop when he sees me in this!”

Inara smirked to herself as she was the only one aboard Serenity – except possibly River – who knew what Simon had planned for Kaylee this evening. Simon might be impressed with the dress but it was going to be Kaylee who would soon be over the moon.

River giggled, “Brother Boob will have no words to open his mouth and stick his foot in. Will be too busy staring.”

Her face fell as they all left the seamstress’s arm in arm and they watched couples walking together around town. Sighing sadly, “I wish I had someone to take me out. Show off my new dress to someone, for someone other than just me.”

Kaylee leaned over to hug her friend, “Aww, you’ll find somebody. Just gotta be patient is all.”

The mechanic’s face lit up with an idea, “Hey! Jayne should be home by the time we get back to the ship!” Inara shot Kaylee a glare, willing her to shut up, but it was ignored as Kaylee rolled along with her enthusiastic momentum, “You could show him your new dress an’ may how get ‘im to take you out, just for fun an’ all.”

River thought about it for a few seconds before feeling the excitement sprout within her before it swiftly turned to nervousness. What would Jayne think? Would he think her pretty? She then wondered why it suddenly mattered so much to her that he would.

Over her head, Kaylee finally noticed and semi-cowered from the chilling glare Inara sent her way. The Companion knew her friend had meant well but now River was going to be nervous and desperately hope for a compliment rather than being happily surprised when Jayne paid her one out of the blue – if he did at all. The idea had been to not set River up with potentially false expectations.

Sighing inwardly, Inara prayed to Buddha, please let this turn out well…

---

Simon and Zoe were still waiting for Jayne in the cargo bay, playing with Der, when the three women arrived back at the ship.

He looked up when Zoe’s face unexpectedly cracked a radiant smile and felt his breath sucked from his chest; Kaylee was…wow.

And River was…, “Meimei you look so grown up and beautiful!” He exclaimed, unconsciously bypassing his girlfriend altogether as he complimented his sister.

Out of the corner of her eye, River saw Kaylee deflate a little as Brother Boob once again stuck his foot in it. She leaned over and whispered, “Noticed you first, but has no words yet. Went with what he knows.”

Frustrated, Kaylee grumbling back, “Well it’d still be nice ta be told first, ya know?”

As Simon approached, River hurriedly whispered, “Only has ‘wow’ for you so far. Blew his brainpan, no longer thinking with primary head.”

Kaylee answered her with a giggle as Simon stepped up to them as Inara walked over to Zoe and picked up Der, cooing to him softly. The Companion could never resist the lure of the small child; he made her long for one for herself, though it could never happen as long as she kept her Active status as a Companion.

“Kaylee,” he breathed, suddenly having only eyes for her once again, his heart faltering as she beamed at him. “You look...amazing.”

Knowing how she loved the over-the-top gallantry in her romance novels, he bowed low and offered her his arm. “Will you do me the honor of allowing me to escort you to dinner Miss Frye?”

Flashing him a radiant smile, she eagerly bounced forth and looped her arm into the one he held out to her, “Yes sir, Mr. Tam!” The couple strode down the ramp arm in arm with Kaylee calling back over her shoulder, “Don’t wait up!”

Inara and Zoe were so involved with Der that they didn’t notice River traipsing up the stairs toward the crew bunks.

She wondered what Jayne would think of her makeover…

To go back and reread if you need it:

Chapter: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7