I bequeath unto you all the most romantic love scene in the history of romance novels...

Oh, I'm sorry, I couldn't quite type that with a straight face.

Anyhoo, I had to share.  It's pages 294-296 of a book called Public Displays of Affection by Susan Donovan. 

I am sorry to say that this is not her first novel so we can't blame it on that.




It wasn't Joe's intent to give Charlotte every one of her sexual fantasies that evening, but he found it difficult to deny her anything.  Especially now that he feared it was the last night he'd ever have her to himself.

So he'd tied her up, just the way she'd always wanted, and the two of them couldn't stop giggling.  He'd roped honeysuckle vines around her wrists and throat and waist and ankles, but they were bonds that shackled her to nothing but his love for her.

"Honeysuckle Mama," he muttered, leaving we kisses all over the front of her body, on her collarbone, the swell of her breasts, down the slope of her soft belly.  "That nickname has so many of my favorite words in it."

"It does?"

He loved how husky Charlotte's whisper had become after hours of lovemaking on the family room couch, in the swimming pool, and now on the patio furniture cushions spread on the pool deck.  He loved how she instinctively arched into the press of his lips.

"Oh, yeah."  He let his tongue slide along the ridge of her left hipbone, down into the valley between her legs, and he used his hands to gently spread her open.  She was so swollen and well used that he worried she might be too sensitive even for the gentle attention of his mouth.  There was only one way to find out.

"The first word I like is honey..." he said, just before he flattened his tongue into the hot folds of her body and lapped her up.  He loved how deep her moan was.

"And then there's the word suckle..."  He brought his lips to her clitoris and nursed on her, noting what she loved and what was too intense and what made her nuts, and smiled when she shook and went rigid yet again.  Joe held her, smiling to himself, wondering just how many times this woman could come in one night.

After a few moments he asked, "Think you could hop up for a second, soccer mom?"

"Do I have to?"

He took her by the hands and eased her to a sitting position, once more admiring how good her little female body looked wrapped up in their biding of choice.  She appeared a bit dazed.

"I want to watch you walk."

"Walk?  Now?  I don't know if I can."

He laughed.  "Just over to the table and back.  Can you do that for me?"

He loved the teasing smirk she offered him, her hair falling across her face as she stood to do his bidding.  Charlotte's playful streak was proving to be a hell of a lot of fun.

He stretched out along the edge of the pool and made a half-circular motion with his finger.  "Turn around and walk."

She did so but glanced over her shoulder at him.  "And what are you going to do while I'm walking?"

Joe smiled.  "Something I should have done thirteen years ago, baby -- I'm gonna memorize your license plates."

Her laugh was the background music to her swaying walk, and as she moved, he watched.  Her ass was a thing of majesty, small and round and sporting two big hand prints visible in the dim light.  She stopped when she reached the table and looked over her shoulder again.

"Well?"

"Hmm.  Bend down and look under the tablecloth.  Bring me what you find."

She did as she was told, which in itself was sexy as hell, and revealed that perfect peach between her thighs.

She turned and walked back toward him, holding the can of spray cheese.  She looked down on him and crooked one eyebrow.  "Let me guess what's on the menu.  A number five with cheese?"

Joe nearly choked laughing.

"Cock con queso?"

He laughed so hard he had to lie down and hold his sides.

Charlotte knelt next to him.  The sensation of aerosol cheese clinging to his shaft was close to otherworldly.  She topped him off with a festive swirl, and he groaned with pleasure.  He decided to hoist himself up on his elbows to watch. 

Joe nearly lost it when she straddled his shins and bent toward him.  She seemed to enjoy his predicament, licking at him through a devilish smile, her eyes sparkling with the pool lights, her sweet breasts dangling so that her nipples just brushed the surface of his thighs.

He had no idea how much of this he could take -- he'd never seen anything so hot in his life.

Then she placed her lips around him and her moan vibrated all the way down into his balls and that was it -- one mouthful of squirt cheese was served.
 




All I could think of after reading this was, "EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Seriously, this was the entire section, start to finish, and the ONLY sex scene of the book which makes it that much worse.

Things this horrific MUST be shared.  It lessens the trauma.

:D

Y'alls thoughts?