The next morning, Jayne really wanted to stay in his bunk and not venture out where he might encounter Mal; his emotions were still too raw and not buried far enough under the surface to make him any good at hiding them from anyone.

            Last night had thrown him for a loop.  It was supposed to be River on watch last night, he thought to himself as he got dressed; he’d made sure to check with Kaylee. 

Not that it mattered now, though, he decided; what was done was done and he had a job to do, he’d promised Monty.  With a heavy sigh, he pushed open his bunk hatch and faced the day.

---

            Mal wasn’t too thrilled about the plan River had come up with.  In fact, he downright hated it; he wasn’t allowed to do anything.

            Except obey all of Monty’s rules and do his level best to stay away and avoid Jayne. 

He hated obeying rules, gorramit!  It was why he was a Captain; he got to make the rules – and sometimes change them at will.

            He sighed as he filled his mug with coffee and headed to the bridge.  It least likely place he would find Jayne without staying his bunk the whole trip home.  He blew on his coffee while skimming through the movie choices to watch and pass the time.  Before they’d left the Burnham Quadrant the first time, Kaylee and River had downloaded all the movies and books from the Cortex as Serenity had free memory space for so as not to get bored on the way.

            At the time, he’d thought 600 movies and a hundred or so books and texts – most of them being Kaylee’s favorite brand of romance novels, which Mal frowned at seeing zero of them had been read thus far – had been a bit much, but he had to admit, their foresight had been a godsend.  That is, if I still talked to God, he amended.

While working at the diner, River had gleaned from customers that entertainment wasn’t something the Alliance thought much about when making “routine necessities” shipments and the only new stuff they got was from what new settlers had when they journeyed out. 

A straight – and surprisingly profitable – deal with a man Mal was happy never to have to deal with again left him with enough platinum to buy and put in a new engine in Beaumonde with a tidy left over to settle his debt with Monty.

Picking a movie, he set it to play and settled into the chair.

---

            Jayne was starting to think he was paranoid, he hadn’t seen Mal at all the last couple days.  It was weird; the man had practically been camped outside the engine room door the last two weeks and, suddenly, he no longer was. 

He didn’t really notice Mal’s absence at first, but then by lunchtime, he was looking over his shoulder at the doorway anytime he heard a sound not caused by him.  By dinner, he was only marginally focused on cleaning the gunk out of the filters for the water recycler.  Simon came by to escort Kaylee to dinner being hosted on Monty’s boat tonight, but he was too on edge and restless to eat so he turned and headed for the bay.

When they’d first tied the ships together, Jayne hadn’t been able to believe that Mal had kept his weights.  Going back to his old routine, he loaded the bar and positioned himself on the bench, craving the repetitive mind-clearing motion of lift and lower, breathe out and in. 

---

            Mal was in the galley getting himself another cup of coffee when he heard the faint clanging of the weights coming from the bay.  Slamming his mug down, he stormed out to the catwalk yelling, “Gorramit, Cal!  I done told you how many times now?  Those weights ain’t for you to use!”

            At Mal’s shout, Jayne cradled the bar and sat up on the bench.  The two men stared at each other and it was Mal, this time, who looked away first.  “Oh, uh, di’n’t know it was you usin’ ‘em, Jayne.  ‘S okay then, carry on.”  He turned to go back to the galley feeling ever the fool at overreacting.

            Jayne frowned, confused at the vehement objection, “Why you ain’t lettin’ the kid use the weights?  They’s just sittin’ here otherwise.  You never used ‘em an’ the Doc don’t neither.”

            Because they’re yours, Mal thought to himself and his face turned a slow, deep red of embarrassment as Jayne waited for an answer.  The merc was seemingly wanting to talk to him today, he noted absently.  Huh.  Mayhap there’s somethin’ to this here plan o’ Albatross’s.

            But the last thing the Captain wanted was to look even more like a fool in front of the man he was trying to win back, so he turned heel and made a beeline for the bridge, forgetting his coffee that was still on the counter.

---

            Four days later, Kaylee was cleared to resume work in the engine room by a very reluctant doctor. 

The first thing she did upon clearance was start digging around in her girl and essentially booting Jayne out of the engine room.  She’d been unable to use her hands for anything for the last couple of months; the vacation had been nice despite the circumstances but she was itching to start working again.

Unfortunately for Jayne, this left him with a lot more extra time on his hands during the daytime hours and he started finding himself on Serenity more and more.  The Sovereign’s crew was mostly out and about doing their chores and such in the afternoon hours, having dinner together along with Serenity’s crew, and then everybody would gradually head back to their bunks.  This much alone time with each other due to the quick turnaround from Zeta, made Monty’s crew all a bit anti-social.

Moreover, there was just more to do on Serenity than there was on the Sovereign.  Serenity still had what used to be his weights and he still sometimes helped Kaylee with welding and manufacturing spare parts from the junk stock they purchased on Kalorie. 

He also made it a point to spend time with Der every day after Zoe had sought him out, letting him know that Der kept asking about him and would he mind.

It was disconcerting, he decided, seeing Zoe be almost tentative as she asked; he’d never thought he’d see her that way and, as such, – his own paternal feelings aside – hadn’t the heart to tell her no.  He couldn’t help but wonder what had happened to her arm but couldn’t figure out a way to ask so he kept silent and did his best not to pointedly stare at it. 

The change in the First Mate disturbed him as the notion spurred his brain into thinking about all of the little differences he’d seen in them since he’d left. 

The light around Kaylee had dimmed some and he noticed that she, River, and Simon pretty much kept to themselves at mealtimes as if distancing themselves from Mal and Zoe.  Simon it seemed had grown up a lot in the intervening months; he’d obviously learned not to fret as much over his sister and had only put his foot in it once or twice with Kaylee.  There was hardness about the young doctor that hadn’t been there before.

As for River, well he hadn’t seen much of her except at mealtimes; she tended to flit about the ships, being here or there just before him and he was starting to wonder if it was on purpose, though he had no clue as to why that would be.

He finished his last rep with the bar and sat up, toweling himself off with the rag, when he heard; “Jay!” followed by the sound of little feet trying hurry themselves along, “Mama fas’er!”

Looking up, he saw Zoe pick up Der and carry him down the steps only to let the squirming child go as soon as they reached the bottom.  He fell about four times as he made his way toward Jayne, but he got back up himself every time and kept going; he was a determined little bugger, Jayne had to admit.

As Der got close, Jayne stood up and called, “Hey there, Little Man.”  He felt himself soften a bit as the kid ran full tilt into and hugged his leg.

Zoe stopped a few steps away, “A couple hours okay?  I’m gonna go catch some shut eye for a bit.”

Jayne frowned; this was not like the Zoe he once knew.  She looked wiped out and just downright exhausted.  Unable to help himself, “You okay, Zoe?”

She started; surprised that he’d asked and then shrugged, “Doc’s got me on some meds that keep the nerves in my arm from atrophying any more than they already have.  It’s old-fashioned stuff, but it keeps me open for options should we come across some regen meds or the like.  Injection days just take a lot out of a body.”

He nodded as he leaned down to pick up Der who was trying to untie the double knots on Jayne’s boots.  Quietly he told her, “Take your time, Zoe.  You ain’t up by dinner; I’ll feed ‘im.  I know the drill.”

Silently she tilted her head in acknowledgement and left for her bunk, grateful for the dignity he afforded her when she knew she didn’t deserve it.  As much as she wanted to apologize for her part in what had happened, she honestly didn’t think he’d accept it.  

Turning back to the boy, “So, whatta ya wanna do today, Li’l Man?”

“Dinos,” the boy cried gleefully.  “Grrrrrrr!”

Jayne rolled his eyes and sighed, shaking his head.  It’s a gorram good thing I’m here.  Kid’s only a year old an’ he’s already too much like his Pa.  It were just sad.

---

            Mal walked through the short umbilical from the Sovereign where he’d been talking to Monty onto Serenity only to stop dead at the sound of who could only be Der shrieking as someone tossed him high enough into the air that Mal could see him clearly over the crates stacked between them.

            “‘Gain!  Jay, ‘gain!”  Der cried as Jayne put him on his feet just in time to see Mal running around the crates and stopping to rub a hand over his face in relief.

            Chuckling ruefully, “Ai ya, Jayne.  Just about gave me a heart attack there.”

            Jayne purposely concentrated on Der and frowned when the child scowled and made a face that clearly displayed his displeasure at seeing the Captain.  Leaning in close to Jayne, Der whispered loudly, “’S Tap’m Meany,” and nodded his head conspiratorially.

Jayne raised his eyebrow and looked at Mal.  “He’s still mad I s’pose from th’ other day when I said not to color on the walls an’ took his crayons away.”  The two men chuckled as Der made a face and stuck his tongue out at Mal.

Lifting Der into his arms as they headed toward the stairs to the galley, “Yeah, I got ta hear all ‘bout that from this little guy.”

Following along, Mal hesitated and then decided to take a chance; Jayne had been more and more sociable with Serenity’s crew lately and seeing the big man around a lot more made it harder for him to keep to the plan of not pushing.  Besides, when haven’t I ever pushed someone, Mal thought to himself before speaking.

“So, uh, how ya been of late, Jayne?”  He hated how his voice was suddenly hesitating and more than a little unsure sounding.

In front of him, Jayne stilled and Mal could see the walls re-erecting themselves around his former merc.  “Ain’t wantin’ ta go there with you, Mal.  Leave it alone,” his voice low and dangerous.

It saddened Mal how quickly Jayne became wary of him again, “Jayne – ”

Turning back to Mal, his eyes hard and voice cold, “Just shut it, Mal,” he said as he and Der went on into the galley and Mal stayed behind.

From somewhere in the vicinity a light, airy voice singsonged at him, “Shouldn’t push!”

---

            Zoe was still asleep at dinner, finally making it to the table as everyone was finishing up, nodding to Jayne in thanks for feeding her son.  River took Der with her to the bridge to “allow him to commune with his father,” as she’d put it.  It was Jayne’s turn to be on clean up, and so he stayed behind doing the dishes and putting things away while she ate. 

Finally he broke the silence, nodding at her arm, “What happened after I left, Zoe?”  Mal’s blatantly guilty reaction to his jibe had been bothering him all afternoon.

            Her spoon stilled, halfway to her mouth and she laid it down, trying to decide if she wanted to have this conversation.  When she did, she chose her words carefully.

            “He…wasn’t right after you left; I guess is the best way to put it.  He grieved for you and what he’d done; he went through the motions day to day, and then would hole himself up in his bunk for hours – and sometimes days – on end, doing what none of us know.  He barely ate, slept even less, and got reckless.  There were times he forgot he had a crew.” 

            Her eyes met his and spoke volumes, “Doc tried to get him to take better care of himself – we all did – but he wouldn’t.  Started yellin’ at Kaylee when she’d ask for parts, makin’ her cry, an’ the Doc did a lotta peacemakin’ with the locals on account o’ him.  Finally, one day it came to a head.  His not sleepin’ an’ not takin’ care of himself caught up with him an’ he collapsed on a job that’d already started goin’ bad.  River flew in with Serenity an’ got us out, but we didn’t get away clean,” she said with a shrug of her injured shoulder.

            “He get any better?”  Jayne asked quietly, leaning on the counter.

            She gave a sideways nod.  “Some, but not enough.  Some on here may not stay on for long once we hit Beaumonde.  Folks, they’ll have options then; ones that wanted to leave while we were in Zeta couldn’t, passage wasn’t safe enough.  He don’t know that, though,” she said with a meaningful glance.

            Jayne nodded his own mind on the hairiness of his own passage back.  The men he’d hitched a ride with made a double-crosser like Badger seem like a saint.  He was big enough and had enough guns that they hadn’t messed with him, but he couldn’t see any of the rest of Serenity’s crew making that trip unscathed.  That much time in the black made monsters of some men.

            The two were silent as Zoe finished eating and Jayne finished cleaning up until she was suddenly standing in front of him.  “You ever gonna let me apologize, Jayne?”

            He kept his eyes locked to a spot on the counter, unable to look her in the eyes.  “I don’t know, Zoe,” he whispered.

            She nodded and left him be.

---

            “Hey, Jayne,” Kaylee called as she tossed a wrench onto the deck.  They were both in the engine room; Kaylee still working on dismantling any sections of the old engine she could to save on labor costs at the yard when they got the new engine, and Jayne was busy switching out the cables powering Serenity from the Sovereign. 

            “Yeah, Kaylee?”  He called as he double checked everything before turning around and handing her the pry bar she was blindly feeling for.  Grunting, she pulled the warped panel loose and Jayne took the opportunity to lift it from her to set it on the deck. 

“’F I sent ya to look for somethin’ for my girl, ya think you could find it?”  She held up a bent and twisted half-melted…something that he didn’t recognize.

            He looked dubiously at the hunk of metal, turning it over in his hands.  “Dunno.  Don’t really know what this is.”

            Kaylee tsked at him.  “Aw, that’s cause it’s not the whole of it.  This piece broke off an’ got jammed in there so it had ta come out separate.  ‘S part of the flow rate optimizer,” she smiled watching his face light up in recognition.

            “That I c’n find,” he said heading toward the galley pantry where they were storing a lot of the spare parts.

---

            Mal wandered into the galley in search of breakfast; it was mid-morning by this time and the galley was devoid of people.  He’d taken to the luxury of sleeping in a bit most days as there wasn’t much of a reason usually to be up as early as he normally was.  The door to the pantry was open and he could hear Kaylee rooting around in there again.

            He put water in the electric kettle to boil for some ramen and set about pouring a cup of coffee only to find that only the dregs remained.  Growling in frustration – I just want my morning coffee people! He dumped the pot and put new grounds in the filter and turned it on.

            His ears perked up at some decidedly male – and creative – swearing coming from the pantry, curious as to who was in there, he tiptoed over to peek in, only to find a pissed off Jayne mumbling to himself as he apparently looked for something.  Deciding to help while his breakfast cooked, Mal stepped in, trying unsuccessfully to keep the amused smile off his face.

            Nodding to his former merc as he stepped up alongside the larger man, “Mornin’.  Kaylee got ya huntin’ for stuff again?  Want some help while my breakfast cooks?”

            Jayne watched Mal for any hint of falsity and found none; Mal not pushing anymore was really starting to put him on edge, Jayne decided, not liking it one bit.  But he’d been looking for the optimizer for well over an hour with no luck so a second pair of eyes would only help.

“Lookin’ for the flow rate optimizer.”

---

            As soon as Mal disappeared from the doorway of the pantry, a little brown-haired head peered around the corner of the hallway into the galley, making sure the coast was clear, even though she knew it was. 

            “Silent, like little mice,” she whispered to herself as she crept closer to the pantry door, her head cocked to one side as she kept her mind carefully attuned to the men inside so as not to be discovered.  This was too good of an opportunity to pass up.

            As she moved closer, she could hear the two men talking as the shifted parts around, working in sync with each other, not nearly at the level they’d used to, but getting there, she decided.

“All part of the plan, Captain can’t push, but she can,” she said as she slammed the door shut and activated the lock, trapping the two men inside.

Then she changed the code to keep others from releasing them too early.  For they had much to discuss.

And they were stubborn.