Gotta love Xkcd...

The Race: Part One


Part Two:



Part Three:



Part Four:



Part Five:

Title: The Cruelest Lie 6 / ?
Pairing: Mal/Jayne
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 2,200-ish
A/N: Sorry for the considerable delay...my muse has fled far, far away...


( The first time Mal started tapping his fingers on the floor, he’d had his eyes closed and so hadn’t seen the large bolt that had come flying at his head. )



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Being someone who works in the payroll field, I see this happen a lot more than it should if people actually took the time to READ their Form w-4 when they fill it out.

And yet, when the small percentage who write in "EXEMPT" that really are not exempt -- which incidentally is a larger percentage of the population than those who actually are "EXEMPT" -- go and fill out their taxes the following year and discover that (as I am legally required to do if "EXEMPT" is written on that line) all federal taxes have NOT been taken out of their checks, it's apparently MY FAULT that they were too stupid to read it in the first place.

It's not a complicated form, people.  Also, I am quite helpful if you have a question while filling it out -- I'm NICE even!!!

So, then, when they find out that they owe several hundred or thousand(s of) dollars to the IRS, they call me up, cussing me out, and generally pissing me off until I remind them (with their form in front of me for reference) that THEY are the ones who wrote "EXEMPT" on THEIR form and that the Federal government prohibits me from correcting your dumbass mistakes or interpreting what you MEANT to do versus what you DID do.

So, in closing of this rant, I bid to all the stupid people out there who have called me in the last week or two bitching me out because of your stupidity:

HAVE FUN PAYING OFF THE IRS BITCHES AND DON'T COME CRYIN' TO ME BECAUSE I DON'T GIVE A FLYING RAT'S ASS!

Have I mentioned that I really hate tax season?

/end rant

Seriously?

I mean, I get that some people use spell check and rely on that to fix all their errors, but COME ON!!!

Defiantly does not mean the same thing as definitely!!!

If you have an "a" in there, IT NEEDS FIXING!!!



Sorry all, there have just been too many fics of late that I've read that possess such an error and it's pissing me off, if you can't tell.  :D

Rules:

1. People who have been tagged must write their answers on their blog and replace any question that they dislike with a new, original question.

2. Tag eight people. Don't refuse to do that. Don't tag who tagged you.

1. sunshineali 
2. toxic_corn 
3. tinadoll 
4. xenaclone 
5.  tiltingreality 
6. samson28 
7. psycholizard 
8. bugchicklv  



1. Make a list of 5 things you can see without getting up.
- Model Boats (I'm at the front desk at work)
- My purse
- My smoothie
- Miss Lindabean (a co-worker)
- My inbox with STUFF in it....seriously, it's rude that they expect you to work at work.  SO not nice when you want naptime...

2. How do you style your hair? 
- Because of my new smexy hair, I blow it mostly dry and then put in a little pomade and use a flat iron...is awesome. 

3. What are you wearing now?
-Black sweater, jeans, sneakers, socks, and the appropriate undies 

4. What do you want to be when you grow up?
-superprincessfirefighterastronautnuclearbiologistzookeeperhorsetrainer (say that really fast in a kid voice and it totally makes sense)

5. The best thing to happen of you as late?
-My new smexy hair.  It's so awesome.

6. What is one word you would use to describe yourself?
-Bitchy

7. What's your current fandom/obsession/addiction?
-NCIS

8. What's the last thing you ate today?
-Some of my smoothie 

9. What calms you?
-Being away from people...they bother me on occasion

10. What websites do you visit when you go online?
-Hotmail, LJ, Facebook,  woot.com, ff.net, etc.

11. What's the last thing you bought?
-Digital camera for the future Mr. and Mrs. Baddie's wedding.

12. What are you listening to now?
-The fax machine.  Woo.

13. What do you think about before you go to bed?
-Sleep.

14. What was the last CD(s) you "bought"?
-Nickelback's Dark Horse...good stuff.

15. What is your favorite weather and why?
-Warm rain and that smell when you know it's coming...all mossy and fragrant.  Yeah.

16. If you could play any musical instrument, which one would you play?
-Harmonica

17. Anything exciting as of late?
-Nope.  Can't wait for Neisy's and Baddie's wedding though. 

18. What's something you'd like to say to someone right now?
-Go away so I can nap!

19. What’s the one thing you wish people would stop asking you?
-Can I talk to Cyndy?  (She needs to get her own line damnit!) 

This was too cute and funny not to share...



You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. 
-- Alan, age 10 

No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with... 
-- Kristen, age 10 

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED? 
Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then. 
-- Camille, age 10 

HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED? 
You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids. 
-- Derrick, age 8 

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON? 
Both don't want any more kids. 
-- Lori, age 8 

WHAT DO MOST PEOPLE DO ON A DATE? 
Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough...
-- Lynnette, age 8 (isn't she a treasure?) 

On the first date, they just tell each other lies and that usually gets them interested enough to go for a second date.. 
-- Martin, age 10 (isn't he ready for the world of dating?) 

WHAT WOULD YOU DO ON A FIRST DATE THAT WAS TURNING SOUR? 
I'd run home and play dead. The next day I would call all the newspapers and make sure they wrote about me in all the dead columns. 
-- Craig, age 9 

WHEN IS IT OKAY TO KISS SOMEONE? 
When they're rich. 
-- Pam, age 7 

The law says you have to be eighteen, so I wouldn't want to mess with that. 
-- Curt, age 7 

The rule goes like this: If you kiss someone, then you should marry them and have kids with them.... It's the right thing to do. 
-- Howard, age 8 

IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED? 
It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them. 
-- Anita, age 9 (bless you child) 

HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED? 
There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there? 
-- Kelvin, age 8 (I like this kid) 

And the #1 Favorite is ... 

HOW WOULD YOU MAKE A MARRIAGE WORK? 
Tell your wife that she looks pretty, even if she looks like a truck.. 
-- Ricky, age 10 (He'll be married forever) 

So, four of my female co-workers and I were minding our own business at lunch as we ambled down the sidewalk a couple blocks to our local Subway sandwich shop when lo and behold we were graced with...

You guessed it!

PORN!!! 

And it was free!

( Continue Reading for the pr0nitude (is safe for work) )
 

Flisters, got a couple questions for y'all.

1. Would anyone read this?  Or does it ook too many of you out?

It was actually a prompt for oxoniensis 's pr0nathon, but is just being started and therefore not eligible to be included.

2. Do people get what "pegging" is?  Or do I need to put "Strap-on sex" in the warnings? 


Thanks!

I bequeath unto you all the most romantic love scene in the history of romance novels...

Oh, I'm sorry, I couldn't quite type that with a straight face.

Anyhoo, I had to share.  It's pages 294-296 of a book called Public Displays of Affection by Susan Donovan. 

I am sorry to say that this is not her first novel so we can't blame it on that.




( Read the horror... )




All I could think of after reading this was, "EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Seriously, this was the entire section, start to finish, and the ONLY sex scene of the book which makes it that much worse.

Things this horrific MUST be shared.  It lessens the trauma.

:D

Y'alls thoughts?

Title: Whatever
Author: Me
Pairing: Jayne/River
Rating: PG
Word Count: 1,200
Disclaimer: Not mine, just my sandbox

A serenity_santa gift for houselover87 



( They were too few now and he wasn’t going to lose her. )

Title:  I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus
Author: Me
Pairing: John/Ellie
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1,500
For:  xenaclone  as part of the Jellie Secret Santa Exchange
Prompts:  John plays Santa.  John gets naked.  John gets thoroughly laid.

Summary:  It's the night of Christmas Eve and all through the house, a father was cursing a little dollhouse.  Hee!  A future family fic with still amorously enamored parents.

And Casey still has issues with wrapping paper.  Poor man...



( She stood there knowing she looked good as she leaned against the wall )

Well really I am leaving tomorrow, but because of the snow and second storm that's supposed to hit Seattle on Sunday, I am staying tonight at a hotel near the airport where they will let me park my car for a week.  YES!  I am super fretting that my flight will be delayed/cancelled...cross your fingers for me people!

To the people whom I owe Secret Santa fics (you do NOT know who you are) I will post them when I get back on the 27th.

Until then, I will be offline and without computer.  Be safe everyone and have a lovely holiday(s)!

Okay, so me and my friend Pemberley went to see Eagle Eye and it was a FANTASTIC movie -- I highly recommend it.  It was probably the most intense and intelligent action movie I have seen in a very long time...it's rare that I have no beefs with a movie, but this is one of them.

However, as we left the movie theater in South Seattle, there were several helicopters circling overhead right above the theater.  If you have seen the movie you know why; if not, I will not spoil it for you.

We were already still in shock from the awesomeness of the movie as we left and decided to take the batteries out of our cell phones (so we could not be "activated").  We looked for the cameras in the theater as we hit the bathrooms and then exited only to find the helicopters above us...THIS WAS NOT HELPFUL IN MAKING US CALM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Feeling very shaky and freaked out and paranoid we drove the two blocks to a thai restaurant for calm down time so that I could drive us back to my house. 

I swear that the helicopters followed us.

At the restaurant, we saw on the news that -- coincidentally -- a shooting occured at South Center Mall right at the very time our movie started and the police and SWAT were not there for us.  This served to calm us a bit and we ate and had rude service and then went home where we are now.

*is very happy I am not sleeping alone tonight as I am still paranoid*

Title: The Cruelest Lie 5 / ?
Pairing: Mal/Jayne
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 3,300-ish




( He hated obeying rules, gorramit! It was why he was a Captain; he got to make the rules – and sometimes change them at will. )


Previous   |   Next

Title: Security Blanket 9 / ?
Pairing: Jayne/River
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 2,750-ish
A/N:  Sorry guys, my muse died and it has been most difficult to get this halfway decent...

 

( Jayne realized two things: one, River was ogling him. And two, his John Thomas was starting to take an interest in being ogled. )

 

To go back and reread if you need it:

Chapter: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8

Santa Casey, slide under the covers, with me
And let me feel that big bicep, or two
So hurry down the chimney tonight!
(To the tune of Santa Baby)



So, I am thinking of putting together some kind of Jellie fandom exchange for the holidays and I would like to get a feel for how many people are interested in participating, what mediums to use, how many they are willing to do, etc. 

If there are only a couple people (our very welcome lurkers, this would be a lovely time to try your hand at writing!) wanting to participate -- as our community is still small and Chuck's writers haven't given us much to work with yet this season -- I am also wondering if people would be willing to maybe do two or more gifts so there is more love to spread around.

So please, fill out the poll, be you interested or not:

Poll #1292789 I want to participate in the Jellie Secret Santa
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 8

I want to participate in the Santa Casey exchange

I can do...(answer as many different mediums as you are comfortable doing)

I would be able to commit to __ # of gifts

Should we allow smut in this challenge (1=no 10=YES!)

1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER WHAT


IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY?
Higher Ground

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL ?
Kids Wanna Rock (?)

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY?
Unlimited Megajam

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE?
I Can Love You Better

WHATS YOUR MOTTO?
Rock Your Body (ROFL)

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
Smooth Criminal (but I's a good girl!)

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
If Looks Could Kill

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BESTESTS?
I am a Rock

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Send it On (is this like bring it on?)

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Affirmation

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Goodies (o_0)

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Spirit In the Sky

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
We Built This City (I am a CITY?!)

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
You Crack Me Up (I certainly hope they do)

YOUR FUNERAL?
Cuts Like a Knife (I hope this is not indicative of how I died...)

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Let Her Cry

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST FEAR?
Spanish Eyes  (Spaniards are scary you know...)

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Survivor

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Tubthumping

WHAT DO YOU SEE YOURSELF DOING IN 10 YEARS?
Wheel in the Sky

WHAT DOES NEXT YEAR HAVE IN STORE FOR ME?
Live to tell (well I hope I do)

WHAT DOES YOUR LOVE LIFE LOOK LIKE?
Broken (see my hobbies for explanation)

WHAT DO I SAY WHEN LIFE GETS HARD?
She's always a Woman to Me (awwww....)

WHAT DO YOU WANT AS A CAREER?
Green Onions

YOUR FAVORITE SAYING?
Faint

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS?
Tell Her About it

WHERE WOULD YOU GO ON A FIRST DATE?
Numb

DESCRIBE YOURSELF.
New York State of Mind

WHAT IS THE THING I LIKE DOING MOST?
When Doves Cry

THE SONG THAT BEST DESCRIBES THE PRESIDENT?
Run To You (Yeah, baby!)

HOW WILL I DIE?
Lady Marmalade

REMINDS YOU OF AN EX-LOVER...
Blueberry YumYum (actually kind of accurate)

REMINDS YOU OF AN EX-FRIEND...
What About Love? 

MAKES YOU CRY...
Right Thurr

MAKES YOU LAUGH...
I Want You

YOU WANT TO GET MARRIED TO..
Big Shot

YOU WILL WAKE UP TO...
Serenity (nice...)

WHAT SONG WILL BE THE SUBJECT WHEN YOU REPOST IT?
Escape

Okay, so my entire (not really) reason for voting was so that I could get me a "I VOTED" sticker when I cast my ballot at 7am this morning as the polls opened (I was #11 at my polling place) and when I did cast my ballot, I asked them if we get said sticker and you know what they told me?

"Well that'd be a real nice idea if we had them, don't you think?"

YES I think that.  I WANTED MY GOD DAMN STICKER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I was gonna cap a bitch.  Seriously.

So then I got to work and made myself this little piece of subtlety.



I know...you all are jealous of my oh-so-subtle sticker (it is the size of a blue-ray disc)

And then do you know what happened???????

Mr. Frank at my office was supremely AWESOME and gave me HIS sticker!!!

OMG I was sooooo excited!!!

So now I has TWO!

Mee with sticker...(keep in mind I has no makeups on and I had like 2hrs of sleep so I look like crap.)



and both stickers together...

A fun 69 question meme I snagged from Sunshineali..........



Are your parents married or divorced?
They were married...now divorced

Are you a vegetarian?
No...I would make more of an effort though if such options were more conveniently available.

Do you believe in Heaven?
I believe that I will find out who is right what is out there after I die.  In the mean time, I honestly don't care...people should not live their lives for the sole intent of getting into somewhere/fear of not getting there in the afterlife.

Have you ever come close to dying?
Yes...

What jewelry do you wear 24/7?
Um...that would probably enter the realm of TMI for most of you...

Are you eating?
Not at the moment...

Do you eat the stems of broccoli?
YES...mmm...crunchy...

Do you wear makeup?
Occasionally...I don't like how it feels on my skin though.

Would you ever have plastic surgery?
Yes, totally and with no shame.

What do you wear to bed?
Nothing.

Have you ever done anything illegal?
Sure.

Can you roll your tongue?
Yup.

Do you have a boyfriend or girlfriend?
I has my girl!  (In general, I don't discriminate based on gender)

Do you believe in abortions?
I believe that men who have no uteri (or uteruses?) should stay out of the issue.  They may have an opinion when they have one and it becomes a potential decision THEY will have to make.
I also believe that women who make this decision have the right to have it done in a safe, clean environment.
I believe that people who are against them may lodge their protest, but they do not have the right to deprive other women from Belief # 2.
I believe that the decision to either keep or terminate a pregnancy -- especially an unplanned one or due to a traumatic conception (rape/incest) -- is a harsh one that takes a great deal of soul searching.
I believe that the decision to terminate a pregnancy is NOT taking the easy way out.
I believe that the decision to keep a pregnancy is also NOT taking the easy way out.
I believe that there is NO easy answer and everyone must decide for themselves.

Would I personally have one?  I don't know, I have never been put in that position.  But I will respect and support anyone who feels that it is right for them.


What is your hair color?
Dark brown dyed to a mahogany.

And an ever increasing number of silvers popping up for which I blame my mother.

Future child's name, boy and girl?
Ian Willette
and Isabella Mariella

Do you smoke?
No...I have tried it though to see what the fuss was about.

If you could go anywhere in the world where would it be?
I have to pick ONE place?!  Bastards...  :D

Do you sleep with stuffed animals?
YES.  I has my Funshine Carebear that my girl won me in a claw machine...she is AWESOME!

If you won the lottery, what would you do first?
Lock a minimum of half away in a CD so I can't get at it for a minimum of a year, keep a percentage to splurge with, and pay off any and all debts.

Gold or silver?
Silver, titanium, or platinum.  I's an expensive bitch!  :D

Hamburger or hot dog?
Hotdogs are kosher beef only...Burger is with as extremely lean beef as possible.  It depends on my mood though, but mostly burgers.

If you could only eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?
Probably Mexican food.  Or anything with tzatzkiki sauce...mmmmmm...

City, beach or country?
Beach.  I love the salty air.

Country is nice but where there are cows, there is cow poop.  And I have allergies.

What was the last thing you touched?
Mr. Stanley's (my cat) belly.

Where did you eat last?
Arby's

When's the last time you cried?
Yesterday watching a movie.  I am the world's biggest cryer at movies...

Do you read blogs?
Sometimes.

Would you ever go out dressed like the opposite sex?
I've done it, but then again, women dressing like men is far easier than men dressing as women.

Ever been involved with the police?
Yes but nothing major, traffic stops and helpful stuff.

What's your favorite shampoo/conditioner and soap?
Herbal Essences Body Envy shampoo and conditioner.  Soap is Dove.  Body wash is Pure grace by Philosophy.

Do you talk in your sleep?
I've been told that I have done it a few times. I do not believe it though. 

Ocean or pool?
Preferably a heated saltwater pool.  Chlorine pools are not good for the skin or hair.

What's your favorite song at the moment?
Flo-rida's "In the Ayer"

Have you ever had a cavity?
Not until I was 26 and then I got 3...bastards...

Window seat or aisle seats?
Window unless my layover is quick, then aisle and as far forward as possible.

Ever met anyone famous?
Yes, some basketball player on one of my flights to see the missus.

Do you feel that you've had a truly successful life?
Sure...

Do you twirl your spaghetti or cut it?
If I am by myself I like to slurp it one noodle at a time...otherwise I twirl.

What is your favorite sport to play?
Volleyball.

Basketball or football?
If I have to pick, football.  Really I don't care about either, but I someone gives me a team to root for I will defend them to the death.  I'm weird I know...

When was the last time you went to the bathroom?
Whenever it was I had to pee last...

Do you drive a stick?
No, but I do the whole lurch and stall thing very well.

Cake or ice cream?
Ice cream!!!

Are you self-conscious?
Sometimes.

Do you like any of your close friends?
They be the family I chose rather than the family I am stuck with.

Have you ever given money to a bum?
Yes.

Have you been in love?
I has a missus who will read this so if I don't say yes, I wll be in trouble. 
LOL...yes.

Where do you wish you were?
With said missus 

On MySpace why is the 1st person on your top 8 there?
It's either the default Tom guy or one of my friends...that is why

Have you ever ridden in an ambulance?
No.

Can you tango?
Yes...Any opportunity I can find to be a dork, I take it.  And the whole dramatic walk, walk, walk, dip, repeat thing, is one such opportunity.

Last gift you received?
Flowers.

What occasion did you receive your gift?
Anniversary.

Last thing you spent lots of money on?
Airfare to visit missus.

Where do you live?
Seattle

Last wedding attended?
Probably the no longer talked to paternal figure's wedding #2

Favorite restaurant?
Maya's for Mexican
Wah Kue's/Emperor's Palace for Chinese
Siam for Thai
Niko's for Greek

What is your favorite kind of car?
Mine...Toyota Matrix

Most hated food(s)?
Gree Bell Peppers and Mushrooms (I went to middle school directly across the street from a mushroom farm.  Ew.)

Most loved food(s)?
Cadbury eggs, Totino's Canadian Bacon pizza, Panda Express Orange Chicken

Can you sing?
Absolutely, but not as well as I used to.

Person on your mind?
Missus usually hangs out in the back of the mind.  Friends too.

What's your least favorite chore?
Cleaning the bathroom.

Favorite drink?
Water with mint.

Currently have a crush?
Yes, man-crushes change with the seasons, but Adam Baldwin rocks my world.  Also, I will happily hump anyone whose accent melts my panties.  *is an bit of an accent whore*

How long was your longest drive in a car?
Olympia, Washington to Prince Rupert, B.C. just over 1,100 miles in 24 hours

Why do you do Myspace/Livejournal surveys?
If I'm in the mood to share of myself I guess...

Do you know who Nick Tyo is?
Not a clue.

Okay, so, you know how there are certain little things in life that you don't realize just how much you appreciate being able to do them until you can't?

I had a septoplasty (straightening of the septum in your nose) on Friday and my nose is super sore, stuffy, AND RUNNY!!!

I have to wander around with kleenex with which to dab at my nose every two seconds and then wince because it HURTS to touch the nose.



This is so not cool, people.

And after I get the splints out tomorrow, I still am not allowed to blow for a WEEK! 


WAH!



I can haz hugs and pettings?

Okay, while it is not strictly a Jellie moment, it counts.  And better yet, it's CANON!  That's right folks, we got a canon Jellie moment now.

Casey has planted a camera that points directly at Ellie (and the bed in general) in her bed.  Not even the nightstand is more than a smidge in the picture.  It is completely focussed on her. 

Even though at that moment it is Chuck viewing it, Casey put it there!

He loves to watch her so.  *sighs*

See the ep at 3:22 or look below.

OMG!  This video is soooo awesomely inappropriate, I love it!

It is "Bang Bang Bang" by Group X 

Yes that kind of bang.

Ummm...pwn?

Title: Security Blanket 8 / ?
Pairing: Jayne/River
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 3,200-ish
A/N:  Sorry guys, my muse died and it has been most difficult to get this halfway decent...




( “Jayne? We have returned.” )


To go back and reread if you need it:

Chapter: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7